​I have been very depressing in my writing lately.Honestly, I am depressed.I am depressed that I haven’t made as many things happen as I would have liked to.I haven’t seen all the parts of the world that I want to see.I have been enjoying the feeling of loneliness probably more than I should.It may be possible to go too far inside or perhaps I’ve went inside just enough.

In our attitude training class today, that talked about our what is a goal, specifically not what my goals are. It reminded me that a goal is what makes life worthwhile not determines my worth. I’ve had days where my goal was to get out of bed because that was as large as my scope of vision was at that point. I’ve had goals such as wanting to become Diplomat of the Year for 2016 in my hometown, St Joseph, MO. I have achieved both and both have turned to be equally as difficult at times.

I have always been a driven individual but never have thought to examine why I have been so competitive in achieving such great things in life. I was drum major of my high school marching band. I graduated college with distinction. I grew a company from 1.2 million to 3.4 million in just two years. How, after all this, do I still feel empty?

I have been making these lofty goals and then crushing them because they were attached to my worth. If I didn’t achieve these goals I would amount to anything or I wouldn’t amount to anything in people’s eyes. I put so much pressure on myself to make sure that I look good. I am not saying that having goals is not important. I am saying, however, achieving your goals or not is not a determining factor in your worth as a person.

We often hear of employee burn out occurring because the employee is undervalued or overvalued. Could it be that people are attaching their achievements to their personal worth? We see this all the time in the housing market with people purchasing well beyond their means just to impress their friends or family or so them that they are worth something. I would imagine that having children would be under these sort of pressures along with marriage.