While the Cardiac Camp was full of rich information, I am always shocked at the way that people act when they are supposedly sitting through something that could change their life or career path. Several of the people, mostly younger, were talking the entire time, playing games on their phones or even sleeping. These people are training to be Yoga Therapists and help others live a life of health and wealth. It makes me very hesitant to refer people to therapists that I know because I haven’t seen how they were as a student.

I can feel my own blood pressure rise when talking about this. I tend to take things very seriously especially when it comes to classes and when I will be trusted with someone’s life through my guidance and advice. I’m not joking when I say that the completion of this course will change my life. It is changing my life already while sitting on the marble floor everyday listening to people that have been right where I am. There is not one teacher that I have gained knowledge from.

Observing the volunteers was an eyeopener for me because I didn’t feel the need to go correct the person. I didn’t wake the kid up that just crawled up on bench and started to take a nap. I didn’t tell the same kid to put his phone down and pay attention. I didn’t tell the group of people playing some game with pen and a piece of paper to stop and listen. They knew everything they needed to know. I slightly feel offended for The Yoga institute and confused that this behavior would even happen in that space.

I have found that less words are needed to communicate and that most conversations are completely empty calories. They feel good to have but without connection you run out of things to talk about. I have a hearing loss so paying attention is very important for me. I had to completely exclude myself from classmates so that I could take notes. I am not mad at my classmates or fellow volunteers for talking. I simply look at it as they made different choices for me.

At the end of the day, I feel good about my choices and relieved that I can’t say I was a victim to someone else’s. I have to simmer the love that I have for people because I love like my mother. I love you so much that I will do whatever you don’t so you will love me. This layer is falling off of me in sheets and I am lighting getting lighter. In my twenties, I used to write poetry about puppets and how their string would be cut. Lately, I have been wondering if I was predicting back then about this feeling because my heart feels free.