I am constantly trying to be fair to everyone I encounter. I usually get pushed into the spotlight or run towards it depending on my confidence of what the spotlight is for. Recently, I have been taking a step back to let others have the spotlight. What I have observed is that many people will take the spotlight and most start to come across as blabbermouths and know-it-alls.

Everyday we get the opportunity to look at ourselves in the mirror and take note if you like the person that is staring back at you. Some days there is a resentment to that person. There is a shame of that person. There is a joy to see that person. Most days lately, I am content with who that person is and proud that the person staring back at me has gone through everything that has made him the strong person that he is today. As I get ready to go back to the US for a visit, I am reminded that I left with so much unfinished business.

First, I was taken advantage of by several friends but the largest slap in the face was a hairstylist named Brittany Ann. She took advantage of my kindness by stealing from me after not paying a debt she owed to me. She tried to have a restraining order placed on me for no reason with the sole motivation that a restraining order would mess up my life and everything that I have tried to build in my community. She owed money for rent and utilities or for a shampoo bowl that I paid for because she was supposedly a victim of another salon owner and didn’t have the money. Even if you have written contracts, criminals know how the systems works in their favor.

I have no idea why she turned on me but it still hurts. It hurts to know that in a matter of months I went from having a huge support network to a circle of friends that I could count on one hand. Then, that circle got even smaller because I wasn’t convenient or I didn’t do the things that I was expected to do. I was a fair-weather friend to people I thought I would be friends with forever. I all still hurts but I know that I’m better off without these people. The ones that have wronged me have made me stronger because I have a better sense of understanding.

Will I step into the same traps I did before? I honestly can’t say because people who truly love people and want to help them do so regardless of what that person does in return. I do know that I won’t take so much so personally. The secrets that I hold of people’s words or others that they have now surrounded themselves based on a hatred of me would be shocked to know the things that have been said about them. I doubt some of them would be shocked because they went from using me to using someone that shared the same negative feelings about me. The point is that I have too much going on in my own life to keep rescuing people. I can help but not rescue. Just as I learned myself, the only person that can rescue you is yourself.