While doing the exploration part of my to do list today, I listen to some videos from Gary Vaynerchuk.  This guy says the F-word a lot.  His message is simple - Stop complaining and Start doing what you want to do.  He has over 2.2 million followers on his Facebook and Instagram.  He is one of the most sought after public speakers.  

One of the videos was of his #AskGaryVee Show, him and his guest were speaking about brutal honesty with co-workers.  You get a sense that Gary is serious down to the core.  How did he rise to this?  He made choices that were his own.  He took his path and made it a journey that he is still currently on.  

As I was listening, he stated that we shouldn't have anymore whiny Mondays with our head down.  After this I was so excited that I actually clapped when I completed my 5K in 17 minutes and 9 seconds.  Then, the whole time I was meditating, I was thinking and just letting my brain enjoy this feeling of discovery.  I left that exercise feeling energize and ready to get more work done.

The question that stays with me out of all the videos that I watched today - What if this was the last day I had here on Earth?  Would I be proud of myself for loathing the roundness of my stomach?  Did I accomplish everything that I sought out do?  What would I leave behind?  What a profound freedom I feel at this moment.  

I would most certainly be ashamed of loathing my appearance.  I am more embarrassed that I lost all of this weight only to gain it back because of late night Taco Bell runs, lost of pizza and impromptu left turns into Kris&Kate's.   I had a teacher in the Landmark Forum very clearly state how you lose weight - EAT LESS, MOVE MORE.  I am working so hard to reach a goal of wellbeing and fitness both in my mind and my body.  I have even been embraced by the morning staff at breakfast to make better choices.  

I have not accomplished everything I have dreamed to achieve.  There is a non-ending list of things I would like to achieve in this lifetime.  I would like to be a speaker on a worldwide platform for suicide prevention.  I made an impact on a local level regarding Suicide Prevention.  Also, I volunteer for Crisis Text Line where the majority of the people are looking for someone to talk to because they are contemplating dying by suicide.  I want to be represented by an art gallery and make money from my art work.  I want to inspire people through my artwork, music and my life.  

At this point, I would leave behind a bunch of unorganized photography and artwork.  I would be known as a talented person that fought for what is right.  I would leave behind my family that I love very much.  I would leave behind a silhouette of a person.  I would be known for all the things I did, not for the kind of person I was.  I am a mover and a shaker and types usually are known for what the do.  After all, there is a lot of the world I haven't seen yet.

I had all these amazing thoughts of solutions to these problems.  I had a moment of clarity where I was a cheerleader for myself.  The defeated person that lives inside all of us, got sent to the bench.  I made a list of all the things that I am that make my character and not the things I do.  As my last breathing technique came to a close with Gary's words resonating in my brain, I took 5 really deep breaths, I clapped my hands together loudly and instinctively said, "F--- Yes!  I got this!"

Conquer today not because I said.  Conquer it because today could be your last.