Most of my life, I have been a person that has many things going on at one time. I have done some pretty incredible things in my life. I have travelled all over the world, taught yoga for the oldest yoga institute in the world and still take photography with a creative mind. I have played and sang for thousands of people and have shown my artwork to people all of the world and still I have felt not good enough.
At the end of the day, it’s all dust, right? I have been struggling with this for some time now. We are told that we need to achieve this award or improve this so you can that. At this point, I am ready to turn my dance card in and start doing something that makes a true difference. I want to be a vessel that inspires people to live their best life. There are no excuses and I have every tool need to make it possible.
My entire life has been built on this reward system. Now, my question is, ‘Why does it matter what I win?’ It doesn’t. I feel my armor of needing to be incredibly competitive all time starting to fall away. This means when I feel defeated, it is masochisticly enjoyable. Also, now that the competition is not another person, it feels good to kick my own ass. Like the other day, I was doing crunches and I have pushed myself so hard that my upper back and neck are sore.
I am starting to dream about things I never thought possible. Do I need to move back to the US as soon as Doug’s assignment is up? Could be a yoga teacher on the beaches of Sri Lanka for a while? Is it possible that I could be the one to reintroduce the Yoga Institute to the United States? All of these questions have my mind on fire because anything and everything is possible.
When I start to have a dream attack, I have to write these things down. Then, when I’m feeling my life isn’t going anywhere, I pull these out to remind me of where I’m going. This life is endless just like the amount of possibilities. I was put here on the planet to do something incredible. I’m listening to possibilities instead of defeat.