Day 85: 3 Ways to Relax When You Need To

The latest trend in Health & Lifestyle is relaxation, but does anyone know what true relaxation is? Many people believe that relaxation is going out for a few beers or partying. Relaxation is way easier than you may think. Watching The Game of Thrones doesn’t technically count as relaxation because it is stimulating the brain. Think about that next time you have binge-watched a series on Netflix on a Sunday and feel complete exhausted when you report to work on Monday. Here are three ways to literally turn off and, finally, relax.

1. Do a Mobile Detox for a Day

While this may seem very obvious, this is really hard for some people as mobile and social media addiction is on the rise. Every time we see a notification on our mobile, the notification triggers a response in the brain. It can be either negative or positive. Regardless, most notifications are just that because the require some sort of response. Does anyone remember the days when we didn’t have cell phones and we still took road trips? Turn the mobile off for one day. You can announce it on social media like most do or just disappear for a day digitally. This will give you more to talk about when you meet up with those real ‘friends’ and interact face-to-face.

2. Spend a Few Hours Just Breathing

We breathe constantly in order to stay alive. How many times in your entire life have you ever consciously and gratefully just focus on your breath. You can do this in your home or out in nature. Turn off anything that could distract you. That means that you can also do this while you are on a Mobile Detox mentioned above. You can even lay down for this in any comfortable position. Force yourself just to lay there observing your abdomen going up and down as you breath in and out. If you fall asleep, that’s ok. (Make sure you are in a safe environment to do so.) This will allow you to slow down the thoughts in the mind as well as bring a sense of being to you. With life being on automation so much these days something like this seems so hard but it’s not. It laying down and breathing, but when was the last time you did this?

3. Listen to Classical Music

If you absolutely need a digital source to relax, classical music has been proven to boost creativity and concentration but did you know that it also slows down the heart rate. Soothing piano or strings can actually affect your mood also. You can sit in a room or go out for a walk. Walking and allowing the music to provide the soundtrack will make you more present to your environment. You may notice the neighbors new flowerbed that you drive by every morning without notice. You may notice the blooms on a tree you have never seen before. You may experience the breeze running through your hair. The catch is that you need to turn your mobile into an iPod by switching to airplane mode so that you don’t get distracted.

Relaxation is a conscious effort to disconnect and recharge the body. There are so many instances in life today that this is not done for long spans of time. This leaves us moody, exhausted and, the worst, on autopilot. When you take the time to experience true relaxation you will feel better than any workout and have more energy than any amount of sleep can give you.

Day 84: Sick Day

Even superheroes have days where they feel completely exhausted and unable to go out into the world.  I call these days reset days.  I literally do nothing as my body is already telling me that I have done too much already.  I try to eat good food as eating doesn’t even sound like a good idea.  These days are usually accompanied by a migraine, body aches and overall exhaustion.  Today was one of those days for me.  

Since Sunday’s sighting of a cobra, I have been dreaming about snakes and waking up at weird hours of the night.  This morning I woke up with 4 dogs moving around the bed and had to pee.  I finished my business in the bathroom and the snagged my second toe under the door.  My toenail instantly turned purple.  I also had a migraine going from my shoulders all the way up and around to my forehead.  I drank some water thinking that maybe I was dehydrated.  This proved to be ineffective.

At 4am, I woke up again and was sweating.  I was running from a snake in my dream that was incredibly fast and I could make any sounds out of my mouth.  I had to inform Rahul sir that I would not be talking any of my morning classes.  After tossing and turning for about and hour and a half from feeling miserable, I chugged some more water.  It felt almost like I was hungover but I never drink alcohol on the weekends, if at all.  I watched some documentaries on Netflix.  One was about a Murder in Hawaii and the other was about a marching band famous from the movie, Drumline. 

i finally  got the energy to get a massage with an herbal bun. It was fantastic. My energy was low already and, after the massage, I was completely done. I came home, turned on Netflix again and fell asleep by 7:30pm. I woke up once at midnight, at 2am and finally just gave up at 4:30am.

I learned a valuable lesson in all of this: Take care of yourself. I have been running nonstop for several months now and have not taken the time to mindfully rest. I know when my body needs to rest and I have to honor that any time it tells me to do so. Drinking all the water in the world, eating all the right food and practicing asanas and pranayama won’t won’t ever replace the rest that my body needs.

Day 83: The 3 Ways to Deal with Conflict

Conflict is part of everyday life.  We have conflicts with our children, our coworker and within ourselves.  In today’s day and age, conflict is looked down upon and people who confront this conflict are looked at as complainers.  It is unhealthy to hold on to negative emotions but it is also toxic spew negative energy at someone.  Where is this happy medium?  

I have had many conflicts ranging from being removed from a community theatre board, being taken advantage of by a person representing himself to be a saint, had a friend directly steal from me and conflicts with family members.  Do I let these experiences hinder my life?  No.  Do these people have any power over me?  Perhaps. I work hard to release myself from the negativity but running away from negativity only brings it closer to you.  Through my life experience, I noted three things that help me move on from conflict.

1. Decide if the conflict is worth confronting.

In today’s world, everyone gets offended at anything.  I’m not invalidating someone’s opinion, however, I feel that we have put on our sensitive hats a little too tight.   Follow the rule:  if it’s not nice, don’t say it.  This is different when I see someone abusing another person or I am witness to some sort of injustice.  Deciding if a conflict is worth confronting is a personal choice.  The word ‘choice’ should not be looked over.    

‘If you are fuming over something that someone said, something on social media or in your local news, take a moment to acknowledge why this disturbs you.  Most of the time, I try to ‘sleep on it’.  If I wake up the next morning still feeling emotions of negativity, I decide to confront it so that I can start the process of letting it go.  If I’m not thinking about it, with mindfulness, I let it go so that I don’t save it for the next time I run into a conflict with the same person.  I don’t gossip about this so that I can process my emotions on my own.  Most of the time, the person that you are in the conflict with has moved on or has no idea that they cause a conflict in the first place.

2. Meditate on Your Feelings

With social and work schedules, taking time to think about our feelings isn’t a very high priority.  It is important to separate the behavior from the person.  Also, looking at what really happened in an event-by-event sort of timeline will help you to understand where the seed of conflict started to germinate.  When we do this the conflict becomes manageable and more simplistic. 

Understanding our emotions and the triggers that set off ones of a negative nature is helpful in emotional intelligence and maturity.  If you have time, sit in a  quiet room and start to observe your breath.  Once your breath is slow and deep, start to replay the events that happened in the mind like watching a movie.  When we are watching what happened, we can normally see things that we couldn’t see when we were in that moment.  Presence of mind will help you achieve clarity.  This will help you in your communication and confidence when you need to confront that coworker or family member. 

3. Forgiving and Forgetting

While we often say that we forgive and forget, it is rare that we honestly forgive someone.  Forgiving someone is actually forgetting what we need to forgive them for in the first place.  When you say, ‘Yes, I forgave that person.’  recalling the incident in which you forgave them in the first place.  This is not forgiveness.  This is why forgiving and forgetting go together.

You hear people say that it is easy to forgive but harder to forget.  If they haven’t forgotten, haven’t forgiven.  We all have those horrible experiences that we can remember like it happened yesterday.  These can be experiences all the way from childhood.  These emotions are harbored in our cells at a molecular level.  For healthy cells, work on getting rid of these emotions not for the sake of getting rid of them but to make you a healthier person on a cellular level. 

Conflict sucks.  There is no other way to say it.  No one wakes up in the morning and says that they can’t wait to piss someone off or make someone’s day horrible.  I used to think that there were a group of people that did exactly this.  After years of working on myself, even those people have become human to me.  They all have their reasons or no reasons at all.  We can’t control other people’s actions or words, but we can control our own.  If we spew out positivity and forgiveness, think of what this world would look like.

Day 82: Changing a Mindset

When starting to get in a funk or starting to take a negative view of the world, it is always helpful for me to be present to that mindset and notice the choice I make while having that mindset. We make choices based off our frame of mind all the time. Our mindset says a lot about our view on life and our character. While it takes time, the best part about a mindset is that it can change. Here are a few steps I have taken to change my mindset over the past couple of years.

1. Remembering that Everything is Temporary

While in a horrible situation, it may seem that the walls have come crashing down. In reality, they have only been torn down temporarily. If you want to rebuild them, who’s stopping you? Everything from our thoughts to our body itself is temporary. With this in mind, the impermanence of life is really freeing. Since nothing can last forever, what is stopping you from making that career change at 40 years old? You’ve been hurt so many times so you don’t have the want to have a social life anymore. Secretly, you blame a group of people for not wanting to venture out and have a great time meeting new people. These people are temporary as well so don’t let them affect your decisions and mindset about a group of people, an organisation or entire town.

2. Be Clear on What You Want

Clarity is sometimes the distance between a millionaire and beggar. In my travels, I have noticed that the people who have more are miserable and the people who have less are completely happy. Some of these people chose happiness so that resulted in money being less. Others have chosen money because they think it will make them happy. The person that chose happiness specifically chose that and the person who chose money thought that would be the means of something else. Clearly, if you know what you want, state it, write it down and envision it. When people say they want world peace, I always challenge them by asking them what are they willing to do to make sure that happens. Many have no clear idea of how world peace happens due to the broad scope that encompasses. Be clear, make a checklist and make it happen.

3. Spend Time Working on Change

In the land of Facebook and Instagram, people share quotes all the time to inspire people. Most of the time people are so addicted to that instant feelings of happiness that they move on to the next quote. In some cases, people reading something inspiring and forget it about 2 minutes later. They don’t meditate on those words to let them really sink in. The manager that spews positive quotes everyday but then yells at the assistant because the coffee is horrible. Sound familiar? In order to change you have to spend time working specifically on the change that you want to make. You want to be more kind? Then what acts of kindness have you done in that last several days? When was the last time that you gossiped about someone to a close friend? That’s not very kind. Bring change is being that change and putting that change into action in every facet of your life.

When it comes to changing a mindset, it does take time. When we balance time with effort, the changes will come guaranteed. The road to change is different for everyone. Being persistent, clear and free will help you to be your authentic self. Being able to be yourself without any apology will ignite a fire under you to set another thousand fires by inspiring those around you to do the same. Enjoy today and know that tomorrow you have the choice to be the person that you want to be not the person you feel you have to be.

Day 81: Becoming Unstoppable

About 10 years ago, we all remember wishing that we had the energy of a 7-10 year old. It is true that after 40 the body starts slow down a little but did you know that there is a way that you can remain unstoppable. Let’s say that you have figured out what you want to in life and you have settled into a house, are married and have 2.5 kids. In what areas do you feel you had more energy or more of yourself to give?

I like to look at areas that I get comfortable in and then make new choice. I love anything that is comfortable. This is why I love yoga. You are never comfortable or uncomfortable, the goal is to maintain a steady mind but a steady mind is not going from point A to point B in one straight line. I want to share some things that could possibly help anyone that wants to start to feel unstoppable.

1. Start a Routine

Routines can be a very helpful tool when trying to figure out what it is that is draining you or useless to you in your daily activities. I started to notice how much Netflix I was watching in a week or even in a single day. I started turning the television off while I working on projects or things that required my attention. I came to the realization that my mind was constantly trying to do two things at once. Once I finished the project or during breaks, I noticed that I was mentally more tired than I had began.

You have theoretically 16 hours to fill with all sorts of things with room for exactly 8 hours of sleep. How much of your day to fill with nonsense or things that literally work against you in your goals and what you want to achieve? I started writing everything that I was doing down in a journal listing the times that I did those things. Writing all your activities will bring to light certain triggers that you are feeling at certain times.

2. Eat Right

I am constantly worried about my weight and what the right thing to eat is. Several months ago, a friend of mine gave me a list of foods to eat and avoid as per my body type. I noticed that I was eating many foods that were not good for me. I have also cut down significantly on my meat consumption, maybe once every 2 weeks. I have been eating eggs every morning as a source of protein because lentils have not been doing for me. So, more power to the people that have cut out even eggs. Thinking of food as fuel instead of comfort helps you be more satisfied with what you eat.

Many, if not all nutritionist, will tell you that a balanced meal is one with carbohydrates, proteins and healthy fats. Cooking at home with simple ingredients lets you control the amount of oil and the proportion that you intake. Eating these at consistent times during the day will not only set you into a routine. I found that my body also started to form a routine of when it was hungry helping me to focus on other things instead of craving things like samosas and dosa.

3. Take Time for Recreation

Recreation is essential for a fulfilled life. Recreation does not include watching television, reading a book or anything that is using the brain to process or retain information. Taking a walk, playing with your dogs, playing a musical instrument or engaging in any hobby for your own enjoyment is the goal here. This should be a time where there are no right or wrong answers.

Many times we leave our jobs only to start our other full-time jobs in the home. Going to the grocery store, running the kids to all their functions and going board meetings fills the time that should be used to decompress from all the emotions and problem solving that has happened throughout the day. Instead we finish all these activities, eat and retreat to the couch or to the bed only to start all over again. Recreation is important to let go of any emotions that you may be holding on to from a conflict with a coworker or manager.

All of these things will help you in becoming unstoppable. The only person that can truly stop us is ourselves and we usually do that by exhausting ourselves of our own resources leaving us feel depleted at the end of the day. When we create a specific routine that serves us, we find purpose in the things that fill up our day. When we think of food as fuel we lose the food coma during the middle of the day. Then, when we take time for recreation, end the day doing something that we love and usually discover our gratefulness for everything that surrounds us.

Day 80: Celebration

Today, was the celebration of the 1st year of The Yoga Institute Powai Branch. The event was completely perfect as the guests enjoyed themselves, the participants were absolutely beautiful and I learned several new things about myself and the way I work with people. I always like to sit back and reflect after an event to review how the event went, to observe the emotions I felt during the process and to see how I could. I feel at these times this awkward silence when I receive compliments and that I constantly try to hide who I am.

On Saturday, I listened to a podcast by someone I used to look up to and felt sorry for them. I know his true story and me knowing this keeps him from being in my life. I have listened to many podcasts over the past several years. Most of the people on there are telling you how amazing their lives are and that you too could have their life. Fuck their double-sided bullshit-marketing-inspired-lifeless life. I wouldn’t want their life in a million fucking years. I often complain that I heard that I’m so talented but I can’t make a living or live a life off of my talents.

When I made an investment in myself to do some hard work, I learned a lot. This, paired with the practice of yoga, has me living the best version of myself that I can be every day. Is every day perfect? No. Is everyday perfect meaning the way that it should have been? Yes. Am I hear to tell you how you can have a life like mine? No, because sometimes I still can’t believe that THIS is my life. However, I do hope to inspire anyone I meet to be the best version of themselves that they can be every day.

During the rehearsals for the celebration, I felt less like hiding who I was. During the process, my classmates probably learned that I am completely annoyed with people that can’t be on time, that one plan is a great plan and that I love them regardless. Why hide the fact that it upsets me when people are late, but, equally, why let that ruin my experience of working with my friends and yoga family? This event will never happen again and, honestly, I will probably never get the opportunity to perform alongside them ever again.

It’s such a sad but exciting thought that in almost 6 months, I will be onto a new chapter in my life. The future is very uncertain, but, in this uncertainty, lives new adventure and a new beginning. This new beginning starts not from a bad experience but a very positive one. My strength and vision for what is to come is mine. It is my seed that I can’t wait to let grow to see what blossoms. Sometimes, reflection is just as beautiful as the experience itself.

Day 79: The Habit of Being Late

Punctuality is a huge sign of respect and organization. If you are travelling to a dentist appointment, a lunch with friends or a class, the practice of being 5-10 minutes is a helpful especially if you are meeting in a classroom setting or a meeting with another person. The effects of always being late may have more implications than you may realize. Here are some of the impact that you have when you make being tardy a regular habit.

Your integrity becomes compromised.

When you do hold commitments people start to value your word less. When you agree to meet at a specific time, people count on you to be there. In a classroom setting, your classmates and teachers tend to wait for you out of compassion. However, if this is a regular occurrence, classmates might get the impression that you don’t feel that their time is valuable. During a meeting with co-workers, they might be as compassionate and move on without you. This will make you miss out on key points and usually the summary of the meeting. Don’t let time compromise your integrity. It is in your control. If you know that their is going to be traffic account for that. There is never an issue being 20-25 minutes early for an engagement.

Your mental state is not present.

Most people who are late actually do value people’s time and are not selfish. So, when they are late, they spend up to half an hour feeling shame for being late. This makes you not only late but not present. I can’t think of a worse scenario. You walk into a meeting where you are the second presenter and instead of worrying about a huge presentation that you have prepared weeks for, you are worrying about what your boss is going to say to you after the meeting. After all, 95% of the time being late is preventable and in your control. Getting that Uber an hour early and sitting at a local coffee shop giving you the mental preparedness to be ready to slay that presentation never hurt anyone.

Excuses are a form of deflection.

When we make excuses for being late, we don’t own our responsibility. On rare occasion, a tire will blow out and a family emergency will arise. However, this post is specifically targeting those that are chronically late to everything. These people blame race, drivers or their family. Excuses, as I said in my last post, are nothing but ways to discredit yourself. Could you have left a few minutes early or even an hour? Could you have planned better so that you didn’t have to go back home to grab stuff that you forgot? The answer is usually yes. Never deny yourself the opportunity to own your responsibility. People who own their responsibility are more likely to be more confident, tell the truth more and are more reliable than people who always try to blame circumstances instead of their own actions.

When you are late, I am NOT saying that you should feel horrible about yourself nor am I saying that things don’t sometimes come up that are out of your control. However, when this becomes a habit, your credibility, your state of mind and your irresponsibility shows to people that value you and want nothing but the best for you. People don’t really seek out to be late and lie but we make exceptions. If you have a hard time with this, try to follow that friend or co-worker that is always on time, or even early, and try to discover their magical powers.

Day 78: The Choices We Make

I make choices everyday to succeed or too fail. Yes, I have observed that I set myself up to fail. I have equally played it safe to succeed. I have started to let go of the guilt that is associated with these acts. In this post, I want to share with you three times in my own life I have played it safe or sabotaged myself to failure.

1. My Artwork

I have always tried to maintain some for of art form in my life. I have done musical theatre, vocal arts, instrumental arts, visual arts and graphic arts. I blame economy for my failure after art school but now I question my talent in that market and my drive. I have friends that I took classes with that are very successful. I gave up on painting and visual arts when I left home diminishing my talent for realism. Now, I am doing photography and I have let one rejection from the Albrecht-Kemper Museum of Art question my ability and talent. Instead of focusing on other opportunities, I let that decide if I had talent of now. I take the praise from everyone about how talented I am and don’t hone in on those talents to become even better. People’s criticisms and praise should be taken with the same grain of salt.

2. My Worth

Lately, I have been blaming my experience with Wesley Chapman for questioning my worth. Why do I keep surrounding myself with people that want to cheat me out of money and self-esteem? I look for validation from people that I look up to or are close to. I depend on this on this validation. I have done this in negative ways as well. I say that I look gross or make a comment about my weight hoping that my partner will say that I am wrong or that he doesn’t see me that way. It’s a sickening behavior that I have been more present to. Isn’t my reflection that I have to look at in the mirror, not theirs?

3. My Future

I am questioning and blaming my ability to become a yoga teacher. I keep blaming my weight, my body and the market for these doubts that creep in sometimes. I share to social media everyday with quotes, pictures of performing asanas and little inspirational messages that I hope touches some people. I want to make huge change in this world but want to think in small ways. I think very small sometimes. I have been working for months on an online yoga program and have yet to publish it online. I have coaching materials to start coaching with a podcast that I know would be completely awesome but instead I blame the past and people for why I am not doing any of these things. I tend to fall into this habit because I fear the unknown and it is human instinct to fear anything that we don’t know.

Dooming yourself does nothing for anyone. For example, if I want to make huge change in this world, it is going to take a lot of work and a lot less doubting my abilities. When it comes to people, they should have no ability to influence or destroy anything that I do. The haters are starting to fade aways and now the enemy that I am starting to see is myself.

Day 77: Teamwork

Earlier this week I got the privilege of getting to celebrate the 1-year anniversary of The Yoga Institute Powai Branch. The celebration is going to be on the lawn of a member’s apartment building. The founder’s daughter-in-law, Hansaji, will be there to speak at the event following a dance dedicated to Lord Shiva. This is my first project working with a large group in a very long time. The person that I showed up as is shocking and very encouraging for future projects.

I felt that I had the choice to be in control.

With group project come a myriad of opinions and ways to work. Instead of letting everyone say that I am the best person for the job, I said no to the things that I didn’t want to do and volunteered for the ones that I did want to do. I’m usually the first one to raise my hand or, quite often, I get Volun-told to do something. I have no one to impress besides Hansaji and the founder as he may be looking down upon us always. With sincerity of heart, I’m sure they will be proud.

Other peoples’ lack of commitment has nothing to do with me.

With The Yoga Institute becoming so large, it is quite apparent that the level of students that are taking advanced classes is drastically declining. Although I’m sure Shri Yogendraji had the dream of spreading the yogic lifestyle to householders, I’m certain that all householders meant the sincere ones. In regards to the group project, people find it unnecessary to show up or even be present while working. Today, we were given the whole day devoid of our normal studies to work on our skit and dance. Despite knowing the purpose of these performances and who they were being performed for, people resorted to being on their cell phones, taking phone calls and leaving early. It boggles my mind as to the mindset of these students but their lack of commitment has nothing to do with me. I am not judging them, I worry for them as they are my classmates.

When everyone else is talking over each other, stay silent.

I believe that talking over each other is a cultural things when people are working together. This happens in the states too. However, when a room full of people are shouting ideas out, it makes no sense to add to the chatter. Despite saying that one person should lead the group, that concept was ignored because everyone knows best. Getting to observe this behavior started to irritate me. After acknowledging that, I was less irritated and became an observer of my thoughts and what was happening in front of me. Mainly, I was worried that my friend for Japan would be completely lost. Additionally, I thought it was rude for people to speak over my friend, Roshni, who choreographed the dance.

I would not be honest if I said that I’m still not a little irritated. I am clinging to past knowledge instead of staying present but I wish that my sisters would look at their actions especially given we are ‘advanced’ students. When I didn’t let me emotions control my actions or reactions, the experience was one of learning and self-discovery. I’m sure that Yogendraji was smiling and laughing at us trying to put all this together. My classmates are teaching me so much about how to love and be a better person.

Day 76: 5 Ways Excuses Have Major Consequences

Have you ever wanted something but let time pass by and make an excuse to opt out on life? Do you blame your lack of progress on others instead of taking the responsibility for your own actions? Making excuses is common in adults. We go to the level of blaming our kids, our partners or a variety of circumstances for not doing/getting what we want. While excuses are common are they healthy? Most would say that they are not healthy because they are present an untruth. Only the truth shall set you free, right? Here, we explore the 5 most common consequences that excuses have on our lives.

1. Missed Opportunity

Recently, I have run across several really exciting photo contests that I would like to be a part of. I have made excuses about the legitimacy of photo contest itself, questioning my own talent and blaming not having the time to produce the submissions. In truth, I’m just scared of being judged. I have people tell me all the time that I don’t look nervous or asking me how I can be so confident in front of people. The truth is that I am nervous (shaking in my skin usually) in front of a crowd of people. Large groups of people freak me out and I have no desire to place myself in social situations where I don’t know people. These all lead to missed opportunities because I let time pass by or I don’t go to that social function because of my lack of desire to ‘deal’ with people.

2. No SELF-Accountability

When we make goals, we have certain things that we have to do to achieve these goals. When we make excuses we take the blame off of ourselves and place it on another person, a circumstance or a mindset. We rarely ever say that we don’t want to go to the party because we can’t stand that group of people. We usually make the excuse that we are tired, that work has been very stressful lately or that the kids haven’t really seen me in a while. We blame our energy level, our jobs, and our kids. These things are to be blamed rather than ourselves to be accountable for.

3. Loss of Vision

Getting lost in excuses also makes us lost in our vision. For example, when we are trying to lose weight we blame time, prior engagements and energy levels for our non-progress. When we start using those excuses frequently, we start to lose the vision of ourselves being 20 pounds lighter with more energy. We lose sight of the version of yourself that we wanted to become because staying the same is familiar and comfortable. Change is difficult but if you let excuses win you add another hurdle to the obstacles already ahead.

4. Attract the Wrong People

When making an excuse, we are trying to deflect something that we don’t want to do or have refused to do. Rarely, do we ever think of these excuses and their consequences because we made the excuse to avoid any consequence in the first place? When we make excuses we attract the wrong people because these people will buy your excuses and you will not have a circle around you that will keep you accountable. People don’t call each other out on their excuses because they make excuses themselves. We get comfortable with this because we are able to proclaim that we would love to do this and that but have every excuse in the book as to why we are not doing this or that.

5. After Time, Excuses Become Your Reality

When we keep making the same excuses repeatedly, the excuses become our reality. If you don’t want to do something, the only response that is required is a simple ‘no’. Instead, we believe that we can’t do something because our kids need us in that specific moment. We don’t call our mom because she is always too busy. We don’t go to the gym because it smells funny. We can’t start that new hobby because we don’t have time. All of these are excuses that we believe as reality. We don’t call our mom because we don’t want to. We don’t go to the gym because we want to lay on the couch instead. We don’t start that hobby because we really don’t want to. Accept reality as it is and life becomes more simple.

Excuses are used all the time to spare someone’s feelings, to avoid embarrassment or a long list of other reasons in life. When we are truthful it may hurt someone’s feelings but you are free from guilt and have the freedom to check your Facebook anytime you want. When we stop making excuses we live a more authentic life allow us to be free to do what we want. People will know that you speak your mind regardless of the outcome. In the end, we make excuses to spare feelings, ours or someone else’s, and to avoid conflict. The act of an excuse is a lie and when you avoid lying to yourself or someone else you avoid any conflict that you are responsible for because the truth sets you free.

Day 75: Dreaming Out Loud

When I’m finished with yoga school, I have a plan to open a yoga retreat/learning center. I am wanting to help families deal with stress to ultimately become better working units. They can then graduate from my certification program with the ability to help other families. My goal is to help parents to break the cycle of abuse and not pass it on to their children.

I am starting a yoga subscription program to reach families that are not able to be close geographically. This program will also be for the individual wanting to learn more about yoga and concentrate on their asana skills. I will have a curriculum so that the participants will be able to follow. I will provide coaching through phone calls. Parents will be able to accept their gay child. Children will be more compassionate towards their parents.

My dream doesn’t stop there. I want to train others to become teachers joining my mission in helping shape this world to make it a better place. This will be a mission that even school will be able to stand behind. Imagine a class of recent high school graduates walking into college with a marketable skill before they even start their first semester of college without a tremendous amount of debt. The cost will be affordable and also help me get out of student loan debt.

Having a two-month program to train teachers will make the program accessible to corporate workers, homemakers, students and people trying to take the leap into something new. These teachers will then become part of a network of teachers that schools and businesses can pull from to bring yoga to them. With the curriculum that I am building, there won’t be a person that won’t be able to participate and find some peace of mind. I plan to take the practice of yoga in mental institutions and prisons.

I have finally found something that I can dream big in. I am not in the shadow of someone else’s dream and I have no strings attached to anyone else and it’s beautiful. I am not dependent on the approval of a boss or a supervisor. I have mentors that are supportive of me and believe in me. This may be the first time in my adult life where I feel independent for the first time. Everything I have done is leading up to this moment. I feel the reigns in my hands and it feels incredible to know that I’m driving this train.

Day 74: Another Round

It’s another Monday full of adventures and new discoveries today. I have been waking up at all hours of the night the past several weeks mainly because I get up so early on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday that my body doesn’t know what day it is. On Sunday, my alarm for no reason that I can think of went off at 5am. I keep doing these routines with the reality of not being rigid. However, how do you start a routine and manage to keep that routine without being rigid?

I have been keeping to a simple routine of getting all the stuff that I need to get done. JalNeti, private yoga practice, pranayama and meditation. I have been doing this along with trying to eat properly, type notes to study and have a little time to relax and have some recreation time. I find that when there is one thing not checked off the list, I get completely flustered and feel like the entire routine is blown. After a few moments, I realize this is not the reality but I simply did not have enough hours in the day to do everything I wanted to do.

It may seem petty to worry about such things but I’m trying to better my life in ways that I can’t even imagine. I am creating a yoga program for an online subscription service where I can use my coaching and yoga teaching skills and combine them to help others that I know are struggling with some of the same things. I want people to be happy in this world but it first starts with me. I have not lost the element that I am not perfect but, in that imperfection, I am absolutely perfect.

I have dreams of teaching others to become teachers as well to build an army of teachers helping families to become whole and happy. We often blame the helpless because they can’t fight back but what is so wrong with looking at your home environment and acknowledging that a little mindfulness will go a long way. I’ve worked with the jaded and it is no picnic but I refuse to let those experiences detract from my purpose. It is here that my bravery, courage and ambition comes into play.

With dreams still in the works, I find that I am right back in the days where I would spend hours staring a blank canvas waiting for it to ‘speak’ to me. I am not waiting for a canvas but for a time that everything comes together. This time where I am not traveling across the world and enjoying all of the people on this planet. It makes me sad to think that one day in the near future all of this will be memories. It is even scarier to think that in just a few short months, everything that I know now will change and a new routine will be made.

Day 73: A Tribute to Mother

Today is Mother’s Day. My mom is completely amazing for so many reasons. We don’t realize until we are older just how much a mother does for their child and even then you can grasp everything that she has sacrificed and done without you knowing. Mothers care and love their children so much that they start to forget about themselves.

I have a yoga teacher that doesn’t believe in the saying, ‘I would die without my children.’  She says that it is not that they would die without their children but that they wouldn’t know how to live for themselves.  This how much a mom loves her child.  However, when is enough simply enough?  My mom deals with the jealousy between my brother and sister, my dads negative attitude despite him constantly pointing out when other are negative and juggling being a babysitter and a grandma.  She constantly says that she is doing a lot better in saying no but the truth is she just can’t.

When racing is more important than your children, my mother will pick them up and take them home when they are sick.  When you need a date night, my mom will watch your kids even after you just claimed that they never see their grandma.  When my mom has worked just as hard as everyone else, she will pick up your trash because you are too lazy to throw it away in the trash can just behind you.  You wonder why sometimes she is in a bad mood.  I call you ignorant. 

When your kids need a birthday party because you have no idea how to provide for your child, she will make the decorations and even the cake.  (Which takes two days if you ever cared to notice.)  When you want to go racing with your son so you can be proud of him, mom will stay at home and watch the kids and your dog.  When she complains about being tired you should listen because she says it less often than you think.  When you get a dog and she says that she will not be the one to take care of it, you should listen because now in addition to having grandkids all weekend, she has to wash your dog. 

When you want to call my mom unbearable sometimes.  Maybe you should ask yourself what you have done to give her happiness.  She’s not a hard person to please unless it comes to cleaning.  Maybe you should not let her forget how much she is loved by you.  Make sure that she can’t forget.  Make sure that the next time you want to put her down in front of people or ‘stay at the farm’ that you make sure she has everything she needs to watch your son’s grandchildren.  Next time you see her treat her like the gold that she is.  My mom is the best mom a son could possibly ever have and I can’t wait for the rest of my family to realize it.  Not just today, but everyday.

Day 72: A Hero

Many people want someone to come and save them. We were raised listening to fairy tales of the prince saving the beautiful lady in the tower from the evil stepmother. Our cinemas offered stories of love with the rich guy rescuing the prostitute from the daily hustle. All of the stories were created because it is hard to make a story about a person that saved themselves because it is rarely is one person that saves themselves. The phrase - It takes a village applies here.

For a large swath of my life, I have waited for my prince or that person to come along and save me. This lead me into bad relationships, horrible one-sided friendships and being a target for getting taken advantage of. Ever person that came into my life, I had this unrealistic expectation that they were going to save me in someway. It started in college in 1998 when a group of friends confronted my mother about my drug use and how scary it had become.

I moved back home briefly and then moved into my first apartment, The Mertland Apartments. I had a tiny studio that overlooked city hall and a pony express statue. My neighbors were all crackheads. It wasn’t uncommon for people to be knocking on my door screaming to save them. I just pretended that I wasn’t home and ignored them. I would watch my neighbor across the hall load his crack pipe, light it and then stare off into the distance like he was an empty body.

This was just the beginning of rescues in my life. There was the time that I thought school would save me after living in Kansas City for a while and going through a horrible breakup with my first boyfriend. I thought getting away from it all would make it go away and that the pain would stop thus making the drug use stop. This way of thinking failed miserably failed miserably. I moved back to Maryville and starting taking prescription speed, Adderall. This ended in me having a mental breakdown.

I kept trying to fill the void that was missing in my life. The void was the self confidence knowing that I was enough and that I was worth it. It wasn’t until I lived in San Francisco that I started having this realization. I had amazing friends. I had a place to live and I was paying for my schooling while working three jobs and freelancing as a figure model. Looking back, my hero needed to be myself. I could have been completely swallowed up by the city but I always remained my head just above water. Now, I’m swimming and learning that the only hero that is responsible for rescuing me is myself.

Day 71: A Letter to Self

Dear Jeremy,

From the person who you are now to the person who you were then, you have come so far. You should remember the who would on the couch for hours on end. You have travelled all over the world full of things to explore, learn and create. The possibilities are endless and you didn’t even want to dream just complain that you knew something better was out there.

First, your art is amazing even if the opportunities don’t come nearly as often as you would like so you can pay off your student loans. There are politics, judgements or haters that can even dispute that. Your art deserves to be made and your story deserves to be heard. It is not a coincidence that you are talented and ambitious.

Take care of yourself mentally and physically. Keep to a regular workout schedule. The days that you don’t feel like it - DO IT EVEN HARDER. Shave time off that 5K. On the that you just want to be lazy, get up just because you can.

NEVER FORGET - no one determines your worth except for you. Friends, family members and even strangers will place judgements on you. Just remember that’s their problem to deal with not yours. You deserve nothing but the best so don’t settle for anything less.

Being alone is good for you. Don’t confuse this with being lonely.

Regardless of your past, you choose who you are in every single moment. You impact people by just your presence. Your authenticity inspires some and scares others. Don’t let that EVER distract you from being who you are.

Keep your head up and never give up because the path you are on WILL change for the better. IT may not get easier but your laughter will change, the relationships you do have will strengthen and your light will shine bright.

It is time for you to join the game. It is time to enjoy the grind. Time to talk less and do MORE.

Your journey is yours. No one else has the wheel except for you. Hit the gas and enjoy the ride. Keep your head up. If you ever feel unloved, remember you love yourself and, at the end of the day, that’s all that matters.

Hearts, Rainbows and Unicorns,

Jeremy

Day 70: Letting Go

Until we really know the impact of holding something negative, we will never know the effect that holding on to this emotion, feeling or grudge has on the mind and the body. I have written many times about negative situations that I don’t know what to with. In complete honesty, I just have to let the feelings, emotions, and grudges go. I have tried many techniques of letting these people be free from my mind so I am not carrying what they did to me around anymore. The things that people have done does not affect my karma and I do not have to continue reliving these events over and over.

People who have been abused or taken advantage of repeatedly start to form a pattern of abuse. They start to forget their worth and that they have a place in this world. Being a victim of this abuse myself, I can offer several ways that we can break this cycle and start to move on.

When you start to relive the emotions of your abuse, think about positive memories with that person or in general.

We often forget that we are in control of our emotions. We have the power to suppress emotions we don’t want to feel. Honestly, we do this all the time on a smaller scale. If you are tired of feeling or reliving the emotions of abuse, it may be the healthiest thing for you to do so that you can gain control back over your life. If you ever feel start to suicidal tendencies or thoughts about death after a traumatic event, please talk to a professional immediately.

Start writing in a journal.

Through personal experience, I started writing poetry in college and this help greatly in healing from the abuse I experienced in my childhood. I wrote very abstractly so that I could conceal what happened to me and it helped tremendously. My creative writing teacher encouraged my writing to help me heal. I wrote poems about being a puppet and talked a lot about garbage. This was the beginning of my journey and gave me the courage to seek professional help. Writing where no one will see it will help you see the reality of your situation and get it out of your brain and onto paper.

Write a letter to the person you are experiencing negative emotions and burn it.

As I said before, writing down your emotions on paper is a healing practice that gets the thoughts out of your mind and on paper. If this is something small or large, write a letter to the person that abused you. Be honest about your feelings and don’t censor your thoughts. Write until there is nothing left in your mind. Drink a lot of water during this process and make sure you are resting properly. After you have written everything you have in your mind, fold the letter, take it outside and burn it. There is a magical release that happens when you burn the letter. Again, this is a great way to release your thoughts.

Start writing down 10 positive points every day.

I write 10 positive things that have happened during the day or things that I am grateful for. This will start training your mind to think positively. At first, start small and remember that this is for you only. Many people write these in groups and start to run out of things to say because they are writing them for the others in the group and not themselves. Thinking positively will help you to see that tomorrow is another day full of exciting new things to happen. We all have bad days, but when we are present to the positive things that happen the good always outweighs the bad.

These are all things that I have tried in releasing my abusers from my mind. Adult abuse is nothing to be ashamed about and it doesn’t make you less of a person for being hurt. The thing to take from it is that you are not what your abusers say you are and you don’t have to be in the situation forever. Every day we wake up we have an infinite amount of possibility of different choices to make. People grieve and process in many different ways but these are some suggestions that worked for me. Also, remember that healing takes time and patience, so take things day by day and remember that healing is a journey, not a destination.