As the anxiety starts to settle in about returning home, I am reminded of the bubble that I contained myself in. While in India, I have yoga classes with meditation, amazing food choices and walking the line of being completely anonymous and infamous at the same time. I already miss India and I haven't even left yet.
My element is in chaos. My experience is going for days without seeing someone I know personally and keeping to myself in my world of creation. When I think about going home, I get a general sense of feeling hindered and "too much." I'm too much for a lot of people, I have learned, because I make them face a part of themselves that is uncomfortable. I stretch the limits of what is possible. This is a quality I now embrace.
My own life story stretches the limits of what is possible. How did a guy from St. Joseph, MO make it to California, graduate from one of the top private art schools in the United States, move back to Missouri and, then, move halfway across the world to India? It blows my mind every single day. I have to wonder if I made all these things happen. I did say that I would be back when I set foot in San Francisco back in 2000 for an overnight photoshoot. I, also, said one day that I would make it to India. My day has come.
I have to wonder if this goes for negative things in our life too. If I think that my trip home will be full of drama and discouragement, will I make it that way? I have come too far to know that my self worth is too much to ignore. I have learned the power of positive thinking not only of myself but of others. This is true on all fronts.
Regardless of what comes my way while visiting the U.S., I vow that I am just going to enjoy the ride. Most of all, I have a very select few that I am very excited to see and hug. I get to live and work in New York City for a week, teach a 2-day yoga workshop, be a special speaker at Missouri Western State University, sell my photo prints and facilitate a class to keep young drivers safe on the road. That translates to getting to help people, my favorite thing to do in the entire world.
From the famous words of Jewel in keeping to my musical references - "I'm sensitive and I'd like to stay that way." After all, it's not everyday you get to say, "Hey, I'm only in the states for a month."
