Day 125: The Robber in All of Us Pt. 3

So, “Sorry, you’ve been dooped?” as the recently deceased Beth Chapman said. How do you respond to a robber? The process of being a victim, of understanding and of forgiveness begins. You start to go through anger depending how large the theft or your attachment was. Then, with time, you start to notice the anger and confusion is costing you. You have to realize that the pay off is that you cannot own any other person’s thefts. A robber makes all the choices to rob a person or not. Therefore, the pay off is that the robber has to live with this debt that is not yours to collect.

See, Wesley stole more than money from me. He stole my story and, for a while, my ability to trust people. To this day, I still don’t trust gurus, coaches, guides, social media entrepreneurs or anyone that has to do with the look-at-my-life-so-that-i-can-make-money-off-of-you-while-you-try-to-copy-my-life-or-business-model type of people. So, in essence, he also stole my faith. However, there comes a time when I have to have faith that Wesley will one day be the Grinch at the exact moment he grew a heart, that he will someday sit and talk with his father with professional help to clear his mind so that one day everyone gets the privilege to meet the real Wesley. I know that he is an amazing human he just has to find that person that he wants to be. However, right now, he doesn’t even know that he needs to search.

Coming this far has taken me over a year and I live 8,000 miles away from this person. There are no common places that we could run into each other. I have him blocked on most social media along with his wife. I was so upset when I returned from visiting his ranch that it made me very depressed and upset because he wouldn’t give me a piece of paper that would in some way validate that I can help people. Used toilet paper is worth more than his validation. I paid the money, did the hard work including an internship and still ended up with nothing. What do you do with that? Where do you put all the emotions you feel?

To all the readers of this from Garden Grove, California, Usk, Washington and Sandpoint, Idaho, I hope that the right person reads this and feels a little better knowing that they are not alone. I hope that any child that Wesley has promised things to know that they are important and that they are worth more than any of the propaganda material he uses them for. I want you to make sure that if you talk to Wesley that, unfortunately, I still can remember the way that he treated me but that I work every day to forget. I hope that someone reading this thinks twice before giving this man money especially for the sake of helping kids or horses for that matter. I don’t have these feelings for any other human being on this planet and I have had some pretty shitty things done to me by friends, family and strangers. I want you to know that although I can’t forget, I do forgive him because it is clear that he can’t help himself.

Robbers are innocent too. Blaming or judging someone is pointless and you are always going to be the one that loses in the end. I have no idea how long the process of letting go lasts but I do know that with hard work you start to think about it less. You start to see things from a perspective that you didn’t even know existed. Right now, I’m in the stage where I just feel pity for the person that is wounded but don’t I understand the hurt from their actions. It takes time but approaching anything with an open heart and mind will always end in your favor.

Day 124: The Robber in All of Us Pt. 2

Although I have talked about robbing from ourselves and others, it should not be lost that true criminals also face the same issues. When you have a lack of something, you take it from somewhere else. Wesley Chapman would be one of these people to me. He has so many secrets and even more sleepless nights because he robs people intentionally with the guise of doing good for youth. I know this because he robbed money from me and never fulfilled his promise. He collects donations for a camp that hasn’t existed in years now and uses the donations for his own personal lifestyle. I can’t even imagine the amount of lack he feels from being a shadow of his father and a complete fake. He feels this so he takes from other people like a parasite.

Had Wesley ever practiced the Yamas or Niyamas, he would have probably had some form of self-realization that he not only steals from strangers, from the very family that he claims to protect and himself. He wants to provide everything for his two wonderful children and his ‘beautiful bride’ but the means in which he does this robs them of knowing the real Wesley. Unfortunately, he will take a wrong step somewhere in his plans and they will read about his true self in newspaper headlines with pictures of him in shackles.

For people who have no criminal intent whatsoever, you can still rob someone of something. For example, when I opened the Griffey School for the Arts, I had a lack of purpose and a starved lack of community for whatever reason. I filled that lack with a lot of positive things for our community. It was my first true act of Karma Yoga. My mission was to show people that you can do good with the arts and our community while spending very little money. No one took a salary from running the school. All of the money went right back into the school for the programming.

The school’s mission was to combat and bring attention to suicide awareness and suicide prevention through the arts. I had a friend commit suicide and I had no idea where to put that grief and pain so I got in front of people to do good for everyone. The community was robbed when the board and myself dissolved the organization. We did programs with Mosiac Lifecare’s Behavioral Unit, at-risk youth, artists of all kinds, yogis and brought people to a safe space to create and let out whatever was on their mind. All of these people were robbed because programs like ours no longer exist.

I, meanwhile, robbed myself of my sanity, energy and taking care of myself. I, myself, struggled and dealt with suicidal thoughts. I gained almost 45 lbs in a year when I was prescribed anti-depressants along with sleep aids. While I was doing great things for the community, I was at the lowest point in my life and I didn’t let anyone see it. I robbed all of them of the ability to help me as my friends and my support system. On the outside, I was like this Superman with never-ending powers and on the inside I was hollow and burnt out.

The robber in all of us always present. How present are we to that robber? Anytime you are not present you are robbing yourself of living your life right here and right now. It is safe to say that, in that moment, you don’t even exist if you are not present. So, next time you are on your cell phone scrolling through social media and your child is trying to tell you something about their day, don’t rob them of their joy and listen. When your parents are trying to pass on knowledge to you, don’t rob them of the experience of having an impact on your life. And, think twice about the child that is insistently knocking on your window trying to sell you umbrellas because none of us have the right to rob anyone of the very best life they deserve.

Day 123: The Robber In All of Us Pt. 1

Right now, in Mumbai, there is a child working in the streets to sell umbrellas or ink pens. This child had every chance of life that any other baby did at the time of birth. This child’s parents stole their innocence. Us, as potential customers, steal that child’s chance of getting out of that vicious cycle. Rarely are we the catalyst for changing that child’s life. We enable a system that we say is horrible to watch. Not all of these stories turn out bad and some kids find their way out and become functional members of society.

While this may be an extreme example of how we steal when looking into the Yama, Asteya, we are all thieves to someone just as we are saints. Do we not steal protection from insects when we trim our lawns? Perhaps, to the birds, we become saints for uncovering their feast. Everything has a pay off and a cost just as every situation has give and take.

Even in the very class that we are learning mindfulness, we can never start on time. I have been late for circumstances beyond my control and robbed my classmates of time since we only have a short 4 hours a day in the classroom. I often observe people robbing themselves of the opportunity to try something new or shine. We give so much credit to the negative feelings and doubts that we rob ourselves of true presence and joy.

We do this because of ego, negative emotions and pride. Sometimes, we get more attention if we act like the shy, bashful person. While acting in a group setting you rob everyone in that group of knowing the true you and celebrating a victory of overcoming fears and doubts. This also robs people of time to perform their tasks and learning something new.

Robbing people of your presence is sometimes necessary to recharge and regroup especially if the emotions are too high and you need room to think. But, still, the robber within us all exists regardless of how much you clean your Yamas and Niyamas. The point is not to be perfect but to be mindful and with intent. The robber is not always a criminal but a person that doesn’t understand their importance in this world.

Day 122: Not Today Satan

Waking up on a Monday gets easier and easier without an alarm but waking up in a mood where I want to jump out of bed and start singing is not happening. This morning’s rains are so relaxing and peaceful you could stay in bed and just watch the rain fall all day. It doesn’t help that I have 4 dogs laying bed as little space heaters to add to the comfort. However, the day must start and performing my duties are not a choice.

When traveling to Bandra this morning my fare was almost triple the normal price and on my way back the cost was quadruple the normal cost because of the rains and demand. Despite not having any of my students come, I saw another student in the class before mine. My first reaction was, ‘Oh, great, I lost one.’ Then, the personal attack on myself started. You always wonder what you are not giving students when they go to another teacher.

Questions about the last session go through your mind like a never-ending looping gif. However, not today. I started to think about how maybe my classes have helped her gain the strength to take a more ‘advanced’ class that uses so many props that I have to question what type of yoga it is at all. We are so material that we forget that our own bodies are all we need to be fit. Instead, we add kettle balls, chairs, blocks, bands or whatever else we can think of to enhance our workout.

So, after thinking to myself that the student is not really my student at all, I started to change my tune. I am not going to let my expectations and the circumstances that surrounded me this morning cloud my day. This rain can only make me wet not cause me to be in a bad mood. The price of the fairs can only take away from my monetary bank account not my emotional one. The fact that I had no students can break me or I can be compassionate that they wanted to stay in bed and watch the rain as well.

What I love most about my training in yoga is not the physical fitness but the mental fitness that is molding my thoughts and strength in any situation. I have gained my power back in ways that I don’t even think I can imagine at the moment. There is something to be said when you realize that you are a force to be reckoned with. None of the name calling or bullying can affect you because the slime slides right off. I chose this path so therefore I own this path.

Day 121: Relaxation

There is always a day during the week that is needed for pampering. Doug and I both lead lives of long days and, seemingly, short nights. With my yoga practice, I experience body aches as my muscles are stretching and growing. Doug’s job is more mentally taxing as dealing with two different managing styles - American and Indian. Sunday’s are generally all about resting and relaxing.

This Sunday we went to Shen Reflexology. This place is the best known secret of Mumbai. The treatments here are always consistent and amazing. While the place is very small, you don’t have therapists trying to have a conversation with other therapists during your massage and the staff are all very friendly. We have made this a staple in our wellness routine as reflexology helps your entire body.

We both got 90 minutes of foot reflexology, 30 minutes of hand reflexology and a 30 minute facial acupressure massage. I leave there feeling somewhere between tired and energized. The therapy room holds about 8 people plus a space for a chair massage. There are two body massage rooms off of the entrance which is about 4’X10’. The room is dimly lit and has a sculpture of the face of the Buddha. They use almond oil which is always a good sign because almond oil is of a higher quality than what most massage places use. It also smells very good.

The therapists ask for feedback about their pressure which is something else that is commonly missed because your therapist rarely speaks English at other places. They do not get offended if you are really needing some heavy pressure and they deliver beautifully. While I usually just enjoy the pressure that the person gives, this Sunday I asked for heavier pressure and he even communicated that to the other person doing the hand and facial massages. They are just amazing.

If you are looking for a place in Mumbai to relax for a Sunday pampering, I highly suggest Shen Reflexology as it is my favorite place in Mumbai to go after a long week. You have all of the comforts of Bandra but all the relaxation of a retreat right in the heart of the city. Located right off of Linking Road, it is convenient and safe. You can schedule ahead of time and take a large group or just enjoy all by yourself. Also, I hear they are going to be running a monsoon special soon and they always have the best promotions.

Day 120: Rains

Today was the first morning that I opened the studio and wasn’t hit with a wall of humidity. It was a cool 24 degrees C. I still had the fans on but slow just to move the air. The mosquito population had almost tripled as the floor looked like a graveyard while sweeping them up after the end of three sessions. While teaching these amazing souls, I started to get a little emotional thinking about how all of this will change soon.

My teaching is becoming more present to the classes that are in front of me rather than the classes that I had planned and duplicated for all three classes. I make modifications for each class given the students but don’t stray far from what we are practicing that particular day. I did do sound therapy for all three sessions this Saturday and they all seemed to enjoy it. I was even asked if I could do this every Saturday. I said, ‘Yes!’

I have a variety of students that come to my sessions. There are students that come to relieve mental illness, knee pain or to recover from surgeries. I love each and every one of my students the same. They share very personal things about their life with me and trust me with their minds and bodies. To say that I am honored and delighted with these opportunities would be an understatement.

With all of this comes the rains. The heavy downpours that wash this very dirty city clean. It also washes our minds as well. So many days here in India are filled with thoughts about the heat and about the perfect amount of water to be consumed. These rainy mornings provide a sort of relief for all of those thoughts. You rest easier and smile more. Maybe it was my intense anticipation for these rains to begin that has provided so my joy.

It goes without saying that many of the commuters here in Mumbai do not enjoy the rain. I can’t blame them either. You have to pack an umbrella, a change of clothes and a long raincoat in addition to your ordinary items that you carry with you. If you look beyond all of that, you see the smile on children’s faces splashing in puddles of rain. You see the normal cricket players anticipating the rain to slow down to get back out on the field. You see a city operating just as it always does but with water falling from the sky - a miracle to say the least.

Day 119: Proper Sleep

Sleep is more important to some people than food.  If we don’t get enough of it, we spend all day waiting to crawl back into bed.  Some blame on a lack of sleep on their job, their children or too many things to do.  Yesterday, I did not get proper sleep and I noticed 3 things about myself that were different.

1. I had no energy or energy all of a sudden. 

While having no energy shouldn’t be a surprise, having energy in random spurts was.  Admittedly, I took a nap before class for an hour but no by choice.  I don’t know if I slept too long or not long enough but through out parts of class I felt like literally doing summersaults.  The topic yesterday was Jnana Yoga and the teacher is always very engaging but I felt Mr. Sandman come and I quietly ask him to leave the room.     

2. I didn’t want to engage with people. 

I am an engaging people because I absolutely love people but yesterday during my low points of energy I just wanted to blend into the crowd.  I had to prepare a two minute talk and despite my preparation, I simply just gave up.  One of my classmates noticed that I wasn’t ‘being myself.’  Instead of offering an excuse, I just said, ‘I know.’  I felt defeated at best.  

3. I went to bed at 7:30pm. 

Knowing that you need to take care of yourself is one of the most important fundamentals for your life.  I stress this to my mom all the time explaining that the ramp up of activity causes her to get ill right after a huge event.  I walked my dogs, changed my pajamas and then went straight into bed.  I didn’t feel guilty for not cooking or doing some laundry.  I felt proud of myself for taking that time to take of me.

We all need sleep.  The amounts of sleep vary from person to person.  Seven hours of sleep seems to be effective for me but anything less than that completely puts a damper on my productivity and personality.  I have been in a good sleep routine for some time now so to not get the proper amount of sleep made me more present to what it was like.  We all have a million things going on but we never have too much going on to take care of ourselves.   

Day 118: How Moving Across the World Made Me Realize I Need Someone

When Doug and I first met, I was quite content being on my own.  Actually, I was dead set on being alone for a long time.  I rented a 3-bedroom house in Missouri, had two dogs and was working on my place in the world.  Then, enter Doug.

Our relationship started with the phrase:  Good things come to those that wait.  Although we had known each other for a number of years, we crossed paths when he dropped his goddaughter off at an audition clinic I was conducting.  He later messaged me on Facebook and because I have two Facebook accounts, he messaged the one I never check. 

After him thinking I just blew him off, he came to see the production that I had directed.  I hugged him and said that we should get together sometime.  I did not know that he was waiting for my message response.  After the dust had settled and the set was struck, I was back at work on a normal schedule and noticed I had missed several messages.  I found Doug's very polite message saying that it was great to see me and asked if I wanted to go for a drink or coffee sometime.  

Knowing that I had given up on finding love and all that came with it, I gave it a shot.  We went for margaritas and a movie.  At the time, I had thought going to the movies on a first date was sort of contradictory to going on a date, but the date ended after the movie.  

Our relationship blossomed over the course of 2 years.  I still had this notion that I didn't 'need' anyone.  We visited India together in June of 2016.  This was an experience that I dreamed about all through my 20's and into my 30's.  Then, Doug got the assignment to come live in India.  We didn't even question having a long distance relationship and started making our plans to move to Mumbai within months.  

Now, the two and half years of us living in India has come and gone.  I think about all the moments that we have shared together and all the adventures that we have had.  I have learned that needing Doug is a choice that I make.  I need Doug to go on adventures with.  I need Doug to listen to my confusion.  I need Doug to be Doug.  It is amazing when you allow yourself to be loved.  I had a friend give me a mantra card that reads:

"I am worthy of love from others, even if I'm still learning how to love myself."

This little card is the size of a business card, but has made a huge impact on my life.  Through all of the ups and downs the past several years, Doug has been there the entire way.  He has hugged me when I cried or when I didn't even want to talk about it.  He has celebrated and encouraged me to get out of my comfort zone.  He has shown me places of the world that have taught me invaluable lessons.  Most of all, he has shown me places in my heart that I didn't know existed.

When you love a partner, you love with your whole self losing yourself and finding yourself stronger than before.  It is this strength that helps you to need someone in your life.  It is this LOVE that completes you and makes you whole again.  

Day 117: I-Sense

In my travels to Mumbai over the past several years, I have noticed a certain lack of mindfulness in the city of the country where awareness and mindfulness were born. Most would just discount these actions as rude but I think it is deeper than that. Overpopulation in a city rich with cultures and diversity makes this city unique but often disenchanting. It doesn’t take much to mindful but this city has me wonder if some are completely mindless.

If you have ever experienced Mumbai traffic, you would probably agree that it is one of the worst transportation experiences a person could experience. Add on top of this the endless honking of horns of all different pitches and you have yourself in the middle of a symphonic orchestra of the most irritating sounds you could possibly imagine. Everyone is stuck in traffic yet driver still honk as if there is another route that the driver in front of them hasn’t explored. The nicer the car, the more it honks. If you are in a rickshaw, the driver’s don’t take into account that the sides are open and the horn is usually at ear level. Again, they honk for no reason. Mumbaikars: The only reason you should honk a horn is to avoid a collision with a pedestrian/biker or another form of an automobile.

While in line at any given place, you will have people ignoring the fact that there is a long queue of people waiting and walk right up to the front of the line and insist on being served. This happens at grocery stores, train stations, Starbuck’s or literally anywhere a person has to stand in line and wait. I have even seen grown men push elderly women. That was an instance that I could not remain silent and let my blood boil. This country is completely at bowing down at the feet of another but can’t wait in line behind another. The several times that I have confronted a line cutter, they seem to be oblivious that there is a line at all. This also goes for traffic lines. Automobiles rush through red traffic lights almost wiping out a motorcycle carrying an entire family and don’t even wave an apology. Sometimes, they don’t even know that they about caused a fatal accident.

A present state of mind includes knowing what time it is. As an American, I can make it to yoga classes on time with sometimes an hour and a half commute but Indians say that they can’t be held accountable for being on time. You almost have to claim that something is starting an hour to two hours before so that people will hopefully show up on time. I’m not sure what corporations do when people show up when they want to for work but I believe that after several times of being late, the person no longer has a job. Regardless of what ethnicity you are, time is the same for everyone. Set an alarm. Use your phone to set reminders. Buy a watch.

With all the mindfulness that people speak of in the land of presence and awareness, it shocking to see the behavior in others at times. Even with all my training, I still get frustrated and sometimes angry at the way people treat others. Sometimes I speak out and sometimes I stay silent as it is not my place to govern how people treat people. What is most revealing is that India prides itself on being the birthplace of yoga but still so much more growing to do. A land so ancient still has the tendencies of a toddler. So, if you are a Mumbaikar, an Indian or any other human being living on this planet be mindful of your actions and, more importantly, be aware of the world around you.

Day 115: Routines

Lately, I have been having a hard time with routines.  The more I try to become solid in a routines, the more often things come up and I am thrown out of the routine that I started.  I wake up everyday at the same time without an alarm.  For the most part, I fall asleep at the same time with or without  choice.  What fills the day is what gets complicated.  

When I started creating this life, I had a dream that I would be waking up in the morning and getting up right away, chanting or meditating with incense and then practicing my asanas.  I now practicing my cleansing practices and it is usually time to either meet 

Marzad in the Tuktuk or get an Uber to go teach somewhere.  

I have started to incorporate Sutra Neti into my routine helping the blockages in my nasal passages followed by Jal Neti.  This has done wonders for my breathing.  My nasal passages are clear and open allowing my body to receive more oxygen.  My concentration has improved along with my focus.  

I have been wanting to start going back to the gym but find that there is little time for this and I fully acknowledge that this may be an excuse.  Regardless of all this concentration and focus there are still excuses and times that I feel like I’m rushing around trying to do as many things as possible so I can check as many boxes off as possible throughout the day.  It doesn’t help that for a year, I was told by my coach that I needed to follow a rigid routine.  

Routines are good but to become so rigid that missing one thing throws you off.  I am working on this now to find the right flow for me.  Some days, I have to completely go with the flow without knowing what I will being doing the next hour and others the day is completely planned by the half hour.  Being present will help guide me to my routine or flow.  There are so many things up in the air right now that I need to present to everything so I don’t forget about the things that are most important to me.

Day 114: Certified

Another day of vibrations and sounds made up the entire day today.  I woke up with energy and positivity but can definitely feel a change in my body.  It is hard to describe but I can feel my body opening up emotionally and physically.  The confidence level of the subject matter was high regarding the Trigunas and Puncha Mahatbhutas because of my training with the Yoga Institute.  

We started the day with a song/prayer from Revish with the same instrument from yesterday.  It is going to be so hard to go back to the US where the culture is mainly brought from war and racism from India where people more culture literally in their fingernail.  After the prayer we did a group session with the bowls. It was very relaxing as the sounds were from all the various different bowls including a huge one that I stood in as it vibrated.  

Doug and I both became certified Sound Healers today.  This is the first thing that we have done together in a while regarding spiritual  and mental growth.  Time does not allow for us to always do these things together.  I am so happy and proud that he join me.  He even started to talk about ways that this would be exciting to bring this into a Retreat Center and help others.  To say that the doors have started to open is an understatement.

During dinner and breaks, I enjoyed sweets and tea.  I limited myself to sweets only during lunch and no cookies/biscuits during breaks.  This helped me to reassure myself that I wasn’t on my way to regressing back to old habits and addictions.  One thing that I have noticed is that I don’t associate the sweets with gaining weight but that they are just plain bad for me.  I have a very strong chance of dealing with diabetes in my own life due to a long family history on both sides of my family.  

After lunch, we learned more about the affects of diseases with use of the singing bowls.  There are so many claims that believe to have cured cancer, diabetes and other ailments with this practice.  I can’t wait to take them home to help so many people.  Now, we are certified so I have another skill for helping people under my belt.  I have the power to help change the lives of so many people in this world. 

Day 113: Vibrations

Today, Doug and I attended the first day of a certification program to become sound healers.  The entire day was spent talking about brainwaves and experiencing the power of sound in our own mind and bodies.  I would be lying if I said I don’t feel different on the inside.

At first, we sat at tables with a man, Revish, playing this guitar like instrument with one string.  He sang this beautiful prayer and we started.  He explained his background and how he became interested in the power of sound.  This technique is actually called Nada Yoga and is also part of a Kriya.  He immediately gave us our first therapy session so that we could experience it for ourselves.  

I couldn’t believe how relaxed I felt after just one session.  The vibrations of the bowls completely brought me into the present and relaxed my muscles completely.  We continued with the sessions by practicing and my partner was my practice client.  Practicing on him reminded me of the joy I felt while in massage school.  After a few minutes, he began to snore.  He gets embarrassed by this but I feel honored that m practice can bring such a state of relaxation.  

I drank several Chai throughout the day without guilt and had several small desserts with our lunch.  I don’t feel guilty for this because I can not shame myself for feeling good with sweets.  I think I have learned my lesson because I am not craving these things and I don’t feel that urge to overindulge.  I refrained from sugar and sweets for several months now and can feel the difference mentally in regards to both.

It was a great first day of the training and look forward to tomorrow.  I am sleepy and can feel the heaviness in my body from waking up at 4:30am, teaching and ending the certification training at 6:30pm.  Surprisingly, time didn’t seemed to drag on and was experienced quite the opposite.  Looking forward to what tomorrow has to bring.

Day 112: Clouded

Today is International Yoga Day.  I got to teach my yoga teacher’s students and also a group from a hostel called MTNL.  MTNL is the company that handles the landline phones in Mumbai.  The students were all fantastic but what I noticed most this International Yoga Day was the change within me of who I am as a teacher and as a person.

My confidence level in my choices and my teaching are not even comparable from 2.5 years ago.  It’s amazing that I can even sit in Sukasana for several hours not let alone be able to hold asanas for a long period of time.  In my ability to perform the asanas, I can now teach others with ease and compassion.  For the most part, I can see where a student is mentally just by the expression on their faces.  An eye roll doesn’t crush me anymore.  It inspires me to try and connect with that person.

My weight has been reducing lately but, even more noticeably, I have lost inches.  I have lost enough inches that I am two holes on my belt smaller than in March.  I have started to not stress about my weight and then it is has decided to drop.  I’m completely ok with that.  I ride on a pair of pants today that I haven’t been able to wear since about a year ago.  Switching to vegetarianism has helped dramatically.

My interactions with people are deeper and more grounded.  When you are a genuinely nice and friendly person, you never have to compromise who you are to fit a situation or a group of people.  I’m not talking about the ‘nice’ people you meet who just are nice to avoid any sort of conflict but the people who are nice regardless.  Those ‘nice’ people are usually the first people to spout negativity as soon as they are around a group they are comfortable with.  I’m not having any of it.

So, Happy International Yoga Day!  I hope at some point today you got to get some fresh air and stretch your arms to the sky being thankful just for the air you breathe.  It is simply a time to reflect and feel connect to a world of people that you may never even meet.  Enjoy the world around you because all of it is temporary and if you don’t enjoy it today it might not be there tomorrow.  

Day111: How Loving Your Haters Can Help You Love Yourself

While everyone has a hater, it is hard not to let their words or actions get under your skin.  You can choose your reaction to them by simply being present and acknowledging that you are not what they say.  In my past, I have reacted with words or actions that counteract theirs and a back-and-forth would go on until a bridge was burned.  Looking back, it was not the best way to handle the situations.  

First, we must accept our responsibility in how this person came into your life in the first place or that you could not control your ‘feels’.  Many times friendships and romantic relationships end in nasty tug-of-wars.  For example, when he/she cheats the first time and you know that you will not be able to get past it.  If you stay in that relationship, it is time to be an adult and own responsibility, respect your boundaries and stop checking their phone.  Also, when you catch a friend in a lie or, my hugest deal breaker, talking about you behind your back, confront it, respect your boundaries and let that friend go.  None of this has to be dramatic.  When we own the responsibility of our situations, we can’t become a victim to other’s wrongdoings.  

Second, don’t let negativity in.  A lot of the time, as human beings, we have a need or desire to ‘help’ or fix people.  It may surprise you to know that human beings are not broken.  Therefore, they can’t be fixed.  When we let in someone else’s negativity and bad situations, we often are not equipped with the coping mechanisms to get involved ourselves and do not possess the ability to maintain our boundaries.  When we let someone else’s problem in our life, it consumes the friendship or relationship and ends up being its demise.  Only let positive things in and expect only positive things back.

Third, let the words roll off.  In a trip to the Mahatma Gandhi Museum, I had this profound experience.  Even Gandhi, a man that promoted peace and justice, had haters.  Actually, a man shot him to his death.  People talk negatively about a celebrity’s hair and clothing with negativity like it in some way affects them and their life.  These are extreme examples, but never forget that everyone will have a hater.  What speaks louder is how you react and let those words and actions affect you.  

Additionally, never sacrifice your principles.  When you know that something is wrong, it is ok to say that you do not agree and step out of the light.  You don’t have to fight every battle you see because most of them are not worth it in the first place.  Choosing battles that you know you can fight helps you stay balanced and saves that energy for the battles that truly matter.  If you are a fighter, this will be hard for you, but it will help you sleep better at night.  Simply, involve yourself with people that fuel your fire, not burn it out.  

Lastly, remember that you are in control of your life.  You have the keys and potential to unlock any door you wish.  It is ok to let people go.  It is ok to end relationships and friendships when they are not working.  There are certain ways that ending those relationships will help you to not have loose ends and will manage the amount and level of feelings that are, and will be, hurt.  

We all have family or friends that just try to bring us down.  The thing that we often forget is that we have the power to say, “No.”  There are so many times in my life that saying that one word would have spared my reputation, maintained my sanity and made my life better.  In acknowledging this, I have learned that my flaws are some of my best traits and my passions can be some of my worst flaws.  

Regarding loving myself, it took a lot of hate for me to understand and appreciate what love is.  In loving those that spread negativity and hate about me, I learned to love myself.  Sometimes, we have to just simply feel blessed that we caused a reaction or that we were heard at all.  Loving yourself is the best gift you could ever give the world.   In this blessing is what leads to my love for my haters as it is those that teach me who I don’t want to be.  

Day 110: Feedback

I recently had an encounter with someone that gave me unsolicited feedback about one of my Yoga classes. At first, I was taken aback because I immediately thought that I had done something wrong without knowing. However, this feedback was regarding the way that ended class after Shavasana. It was told to me that my music was too loud and that I was shouting when people were trying to meditate. At first, I wanted the person to be wrong but the more I looked at it this person was absolutely correct.

I have a hearing loss in both ears due to sitting in front of the drum line for many years of marching band. I play trumpet so that also doesn’t help things. Well, this was my first excuse anyways. I instantly thought about all the times that when I bring presence into my voice volume that I can adjust perfectly fine without shouting at people.

I always get nervous teaching at this particular studio as I am the ‘Fat Yoga Teacher’. Body image matters a lot at this particular studio and I always get self conscious about it regardless of the improvement of my body. Students here are attending here to look better not to improve their quality of thoughts despite their attempts at philanthropy and the amazing people that I have the privilege to teach. The idea of yoga has been warped all around the world and that doesn’t exclude its origin.

Shavasana is not a meditative posture. It is a relaxation posture. So, to this person’s feedback - why are you trying to disconnect from me when I am giving clear instruction on what to do. Then, I think about my ego and why I am placing importance on this person listening to me anyway. Every time there is another teacher in the room while you are teaching there will be judgement. I judge people’s lifestyles and how they differ from the principles of yoga. I have been getting better at not doing this but I set such a high standard on myself that I try to impose it on others.

So, what was once a part of everyday life is now something that is chewed on and pondered. A simple feedback is taken not personally but to the heart to be the best teacher I can possibly for every student that trusts me with their mind and body. I am very grateful that this person showed the courage to bring the feedback to me in person because so often anymore people hide behind the vail of social media or text messaging. The person I have become has lifetimes to be the person I aspire to be.

Day 109: My Relationship with Meat

Over the past several years, I have cut down on my meat consumption. Although, it is easier to do such a thing in India with some restaurants labeling specifically that they are Veg or Non-Veg. In the expat community from the US all you hear is complaints about not having beef. Most of these people would be too scared to eat a samosa from a regular food vendor but they forget that our beef comes from many places besides the US with all sorts of different regulation rules. I don’t miss beef or chicken.

During our first 3 months here, I had a crab curry and that was about the extent of my seafood consumption as well. The crab was good but where the crab comes from matters to me. The water pollution is so horrible here that anything remotely close to the Mumbai shore would not be edible for me. In Sri Lanka, the seafood is fresh and the shrimps are huge.

However, back to beef and chicken. These to meats are staples in the US. We consume pork too. Recent studies have shown the link between processed meats and cancer. The problem with the food chain now is that we have done so many bad things to it that we can’t reverse or stop the disease and squaller that the cows live in. We have genetically altered their bones and fat cells.

While I don’t eat a lot of meat, I still occasionally try the meat dish, I don’t see the hype. Normally, I get the meat sweats. This is a feeling of lathargy accompanied by sweating after consuming a plate of meat. Beef is illegal to produce in Maharashtra so the beef dish is rare. With the changes I have made in my diet, I am not sure that beef would react well with my stomach. I find that meat in general make me feel heavy. It wasn’t until a lesson on the 3 Gunas that any of this made sense of why all this happens. Eating planted-based foods are the best option for feeing lighter and not needing that 2:30pm sugar crash.

I have a relationship with meat that has grown kind of distant since I have started consuming a more vegetarian diet. My sources of protein range from tofu, paneer and lentils. There are many products in the market for diets and plant-based foods. Finding what works for you is the best thing you can do. Stick with it for a while and start making adjustments to your day and style by allowing your body to tell you what makes it function at its best.

Day 108: 5 Things Every Successful Relationship Does

Remember those days of staying up late talking about nothing, anticipating hours in the bedroom and pouncing on every text message?  These were the days is what many feel about their relationships or marriages.  Do relationships lose their luster or shine after time?  If they do, get your polish out and start rubbing.  Here are 5 essential things you need to do keep the relationship strong.

1.  Be Spontaneous.

We are creatures of habit.  Naturally, this leads to routines in every aspect of our lives.  To break up the monotony, skip out on the plans for the weekend and do something to revive that weekend schedule.  While most have a hard time breaking the cycle, once on the road or in a plane and left with no other option, you would be surprised how much the departure from the norm is appreciated.  

2.  Talk about the Future

While many of us remain in the present with our relationships.  It is good to talk about the future. You can set loose plans, create goals together and design a life that you both enjoy.  Talking about the future too soon can lead to the fatality of the relationship.  Be careful.  Also, be sure to avoid topics that are sensitive like kids.  Having a plan is good even when you are living day-to-day and having a plan helps you grow.

3.  Ask How your Partner's day Was

Many people forget this very simple and important question.  Asking how someone's day was is sometimes the most important thing to them.  Not only does it show you care, you show your partner that you are there for support.  However, hold the advice unless asked for.  You may find yourself in a situation where asking was your biggest mistake.

4.  Join in a Hobby Together

Most couples have the belief that you should do separate activities.  While having your own space is crucial for a relationship to survive, having a hobby that you enjoy together can give you something to look forward to.  Hobbies come in all shapes and sizes.  You and your partner can guarantee that having that one thing that you do weekly, monthly or bi-monthly will create memories for years to come.

5.  Embrace the moments of Being Human 

While many look at farting and getting completely flustered as too vulnerable and taboo, show your partner all sides of you without shame.  In the same light, let your partner show all of their sides as well.  Maintaining a safe space to completely be yourselves may be the only area that you feel that way.  Be a support to your partner not a critic for things that they can't control.  

When we choose to spend the rest of our lives with someone, you sign up for a whole list of things that you didn't think of.  These are only 5 things that every successful relationship has.  There are many more.  If you have found that special someone hang on to them.  You never know when life will throw a curveball and leave you alone.  My advice to you is:  Enjoy the ride.  

Day 106: A Preacher and a Cop in a Church

Lately, there has been a video circulating on social media regarding a cop-preacher who has called for the elimination and execution of gays.  This not only reminds me of the insane laws against ‘gender traitors’ from Gilead from a Handmaid’s Tale but I remember a time long ago when these was everyday.   Perhaps the man and his words stand out so much now because of how far we have come to except those around us.

I pity this man because he probably had something horrible happen to him as a child or has suppressed homosexual tendencies himself.  He needs to let those feelings out somewhere and this is the group that he has targeted for his frustration.  I wish that it was just his frustration that was disturbing but it is not.  He seems to be even paranoid that the gays are tampering with his food.  Regardless of if he was paranoid before, he should be now. 

He specifically targets men in his ‘sermon’.  This is what leads me to think that he has something deep inside of him that he is afraid to let out or some insecurity that is leading to such hateful extremes.  He talks about the man at the Clinique counter and how he has rejected God.  Can a man just do his job?  Many of these types of videos or even people set a fire off inside of the gay community along with their allies but they go to the same place that this man does - extreme hate.

You cannot combat this negativity in this way.  You have to approach the pain of a person like you would if a child was hurt because, most likely, that pain comes from their childhood.  Instead of throwing stones at this person, we should look into why he has these feelings and help this person heal.  He has obviously some form of phobia stemming from a trauma that he is suffering from. 

When we look at people as our brothers and sisters in the good and bad times, this type of hatred has no place.  When we start treating everyone with the same respect as you would God, there would be no war.  However, we, as a human race, can’t even let someone have their own idea of what gender or race God is.  It is sad to see this type of public display of hate.  My prayers are for this man and any closeted person in the congregation that lives in pain and lies everyday that they find peace.  Erase hate out of your heart and the world becomes heart-shaped peace sign.