Day 165: He Should Have Taken The Shot

Although I have only been in Kathmandu a short time, I have already noticed the difference in prices for my Indian friend, Ronson, and myself. If he asked for a cab, he gets one price but if I ask for a cab I gets another price. My price is usually about 75% more expensive than his. What’s funny is that Ronson and I make about the same amount of money per month. The only difference is the color of our skin and where we are from.

Over dinner this evening, Ronson had a connection that was going to help us get flights to Pokhara and maybe fly over Mount Everest. When we looked up tickets, they came to around 3,000 INR each. I though that is awesome to be able to fly to two different place for about $50 USD each. So, this gentleman comes to meet us for dinner and starts talking to my friend in Hindi. This already puts me off because he speaks perfectly good English and was being selective of when to speak English and Hindi.

Then, we are at dinner and all the man wants is a Sprite. I found this odd and started to distrust this man. I started asking questions about what he does in the Napali film industry because why would a film maker be in the tourism market and be so aggressive in trying to get us to buy plane tickets through him. He had stated previously that tourism was only his passion or hobby or perhaps both. He started to talk about Yoga and then I really started to distrust him. After telling him where I was studying, he said that our gurus are the same people but when I asked about Hansaji, he seemed to not know the daughter-in-law that is now the director of the Yoga Institute.

I guess he was just trying to connect with me because like all my other emotions, I do a poor job at hiding them. My distrust had to of been present on my face and in my body language. just a hint: In today’s sales world, people don’t want discounts. They want the best price you can give upfront because a transaction shouldn’t last longer than a minute. You either want to go or you don’t. So, I found out that my friend’s place ticket would still be around 3,000INR and my plane ticket would be about 10,000INR. Not only that, but I would have to pay in USD. I had Sri Lankan, Nepali and Indian currencies only.

I thought I would make one more attempt at trusting this guy before I said a hard no so I order three shots. My thinking was that this would break the ice and allow this sales guy to relax and let myself relax as well. I was sitting at the restaurant thinking how does an airplane know the difference between me being an American or an Indian. Long story short, he didn’t take the shot and that killed the deal. I wasn’t about to hand over money for some crooked flight deal with a man that wouldn’t break bread with me or take a shot. Deal closed.

Day 164: Ice Cream, Yes

My first night in Kathmandu was met with such obstacles and joy. After arriving here this morning, I started to feel sick. I think I was completely exhausted after sleeping only 4 hours in two days. Once we reached the Cozy Nepal home stay, I started to feel nauseous and my bones started hurting like I was coming down with the flu. I laid down in the waiting area while Ronson and I wait for our room. I fell asleep and Ronson woke me up when our room was ready. I was asleep maybe a couple of hours.

I had no desire to go out into the city as my focus was on feeling better and not throwing up like I had witness the entire night before. We got to our room and I laid down again. The room was spinning and I was green and sweaty. I started to think about all the tools that I have learned at the Yoga Institute. So, I started to perform a Savasana on myself where I was relaxing each part of the body. I was starting to panic thinking about what if I had to go to some Nepali hospital and how my vacation would be ruined by this plague.

I would drift in and out of sleep picking up from the body part that I left off with all the way to where I walk out the crown of my head. I fell asleep for a good few hours while Ronson got our sim card so that we wouldn’t be lost in the middle of the forests and mountains that we had planned to go to. Then, I woke up and started feeling very nauseous and felt a migraine starting. Migraines are a form of kryptonite for me. I decided that Yogendra’s Pranayama 4 would be the best thing for me because I could be laying down. I drank a ton of water and proceeded to do 40 rounds of Pranayama 4.

I would drift off into sleep and then continue when I would wake back up. After 40 rounds, I felt ready to go eat. This whole process lasted about 6 hours. Ronson and I went to a place called Swotha. He had a proper beef burger and I had a mixed greens salad with walnuts, cranberries and goat cheese. What saved my life was this frozen mint lemonade. After that beverage, my entire trip changed and I drank two of them. We went walking through Old Patan Durbar square this evening and this little girl walked along the side of me.

She kept saying, ‘Money, yes. Ice Cream, yes.’ I asked where her parents were and she said, ‘Yes.’ So, language was obviously a barrier but she knew how to say what she wanted. So, I said, ‘You want ice cream?’ She replied, ‘Yes’ and lead me to the place that vended ice cream. At this point, it was a little after 10pm and the area that Ronson and I were staying in closes up around 9pm. This ice cream stand was the only place that was open. I ordered her a double scoop of vanilla ice cream and when I tried to give it to her, she started to act scared. I told her that it was ok and smile at her. She grabbed the ice cream cone and ran off into the darkness. I hope she found her way home safely.

Day 161: Attachment

I have written several times on my feelings about detachment. I have been struggling with this topic for several months now. How attached is too attached and how detached is too detached? How do you detach from people you love and dislike with indifference? How do I do all of this without the people that I love feeling like I’m creating distance rather than true detachment?

All of these questions have run through my mind. I have even contemplated deleting my social media and solely focusing all my effort on my website to convey my ideas and keep track of my life and accomplishments. I love the validation loop too much to give that up for now but I am still contemplating it. The more I’m on social media the more I despise it. The more I look at how I influence my own community with my personal social media the more I realize that people don’t want to be sold something and they definitely don’t want to be preached at.

So, I have started with the newest group of people that I know, my classmates. I love them so much as they have become a 2nd family to me over the past several months. A group of yoginis that have no friction and seemingly believe in the best in others. I have needed a group of people like this in my life for some time now. I started to notice in my practice of detachment from them that I wanted there to be something wrong. I started picking out small little things that were wrong and clung to them. If a person was late, I disregarded them as a yoga teacher and then found I was actually holding a small grudge for them being a few minutes late.

I have only one person that I find challenging in my class and that challenge has become inspiration as of late. I admire the way that she can be completely be oblivious to others feelings, needs and time. She can literally stop traffic to put her suitcase in her car without even acknowledging the traffic she is causing. She can bluff her way through assignments and then blame the constructs of the class for her lack of preparedness. I am completely inspired by this. I admire people that don’t care about hurting other’s feelings because I feel like I walk on eggshells at times to avoid that very thing.

It’s easy to detach from such people that I desire no involvement with but the people that I am engaged with and love like family, the practice is much more difficult. I have also been working on trying to be indifferent to things and people. I have started with food. I have been grateful for the food placed in front of me if I like of dislike or like it all the same. I have also been working at indifference regarding work. As I have posted on my Facebook, I am trying to detach from the very people that taught me what it means to be attached to people.

Day 163: Vacation Pt. 2

Last night was a complete trip. I was awake on the bus for pretty much the entire time except with nodding off for about 10 minutes and the bus hitting a bump large enough that it felt like we crashed. The dark forest was deep and long but on the other side was a stop that had delicious food. It was a cabbage and chili pokoda. These are little blossoms that are deep fried. I trust almost anything that is deep fried.

The sun is just starting to come up and the view is majestic. On both sides of the road are mountains and running down the middle of it is a rushing river. It’s not flooding its banks but somewhere up stream, it raining pretty heavy. The fog lifting off the water makes it seem like the snapshot of a postcard or a picture in a calendar book. The sky is pink and orange.

While dodging vomit last night as the person directly behind me and the person directly in front of me had both fallen sick, I cover my nose and mouth with my sweatband. I haven’t touched anything on the bus since the kid in front of me threw up on the curtains, the floor and the seat in front of him. Then, the kid behind me threw up on his clothes and had to strip down to his underwear. I am so afraid of catching a plague, fever or flu that I am drinking a ton of water but forgot my hand sanitizer.

A beautiful moment happened in all of this last night while everyone was sleeping though. At our stop the bus conductor help the sick boy clean up his vomit with paper towels. I knew this because they were throwing the dirty newspaper out the bus window. After we got back on the road and the conductor turned off the television, he sat next to boy making sure that he was ok and curled up and feel asleep. I was taken back by this because here I am with all this yogic training and mindfulness and all I was worried about was this boy making me sick instead of making sure that the boy was ok.

I can already tell that this trip with going to teach me a lot about myself in certain situations. Everyone has been really nice to this point. We are getting ready to stop at the first place that has had internet in about 15 hours. It is going to have breakfast and a place to wash up. I’m excited to wash my hands. I’m excited to eat something not out of a bag. I’m most excited to stand up giving relief to my tailbone.

Day 162: Vacation Pt. 1

As I sit in the seat on this bus that is mine for the next several hours, I notice that I am the only white person I’ve seen since I left Mumbai. I find it ironic that on one side of the world white people are trying to exclude or keep people of color out and on the other the people of color are the majority. I find peace in this diversity because I learn so much about my place in this world by being humbled in these scenarios. Only a few times have I ever been scared by this fact and even fewer times have I felt I was in danger because of me being the minority.

What if someone were to hurt, injure or even kill me because of their anger towards America or Europe? I am fully prepared for this actually. If they need to hurt me to feel better, it is no different than the people of the same race or citizenship as me that have hurt me to feel better. If I die by someone’s hand for their fear of white people or their hatred of white people then I die knowing that I had purpose.

I have passed rural villages that stare at me through this tiny barrier of a window. I have waved and smiled at those that stare and look completely terrified of me. I say hello to those that are looking at me like I have caused all the problems in the world because I refuse to be the darkness. I refuse to let others tell me who I am.

While the Bollywood music is blaring on the television in the front of the bus, I have witnessed a street food vendor come onto the bus and sell his food as though it is his life on the line. If he doesn’t sell those goods he might not get to eat himself. I have gotten off of the bus to go to the restroom only to find that the restroom is the side of the highway. Now that it’s dark, I wonder what adventures lie ahead of us as we pass through this dark forest or jungle.

I watch as children run along the side of the bus waving and excited for the passengers to come through. I watched the sunset as a new person tonight. I observed the pinks and purples in the skies give way to black. I watched the darkness change my thoughts. As I sit here sleepless next to my friend who is snoring away, I have to wonder how it must feel for this to all be normal.

Day 160: Leaving Behind Worry

Right before leaving for my trip to Nepal, my partner’s mother had fallen ill resulting in him traveling back to the US. This normally would be no problem but with my mandatory leave from India, per my visa requirements, and our 4 dogs, it created quite the obstacle. I was sorry worried about things that are beyond my control. What if something happened to Doug’s mom while I wasn’t reachable and Doug had to go through this all alone? What if I was denied entry back into the country for some bizarre reason?

All of these questions started to mount in my mind and the stress started to show through my actions. This being the eve of my dream vacation. I have to leave worry aside and know that everything is ok. I need to balance my concern for my partner and his mother with having a good time so that I can recharge myself. Without recharging myself, I cannot be a light for others as I have written about previously in other posts.

I vow to leave behind all the uncertainty and doubt to forge ahead into this unknown land and treat myself. I have been working so hard for so long that I deserve to have some sort of break from the ordinary day-to-day that my life has become. I love teaching yoga and I love learning more about the practice of yoga but with the other daily routines regarding my job everything has become simplified and just that - a routine. More than a routine, my life has become a series of check boxes that have to be filled in everyday. I used to think that checking these boxes off would lead me to somewhere.

Since, I have learned that these boxes get checked off because it is my duty to do so. First, I have a duty to myself. I constantly check in with my personal well being as I have sworn that my mental health will never be neglected ever again. Part of the reason for this trip is because while I love the big city and all of its 23.8 million people, I need the mountains, fresh air and abundance space to explore, breathe and find peace in. No one can stay above water while swimming for days lost at sea.

So, my trip begins tomorrow. I can already feel the adrenaline running through my body. I am anticipating a lot of unknown and a lot of adventure. I have no idea how we are going to make it through the Nepal border and how we will reach Kathmandu once we cross but I know that everything will work out just fine. Here’s to the unknown and here’s to leaving behind worry.

Day 159: The Bare Necessities

In India, I have needed very little compared to the things I thought important in the United States.  An abundance of clothing, a refrigerator and cabinets full of food and all sorts of material possessions were necessities.  I have realized that all of those things are not needed for happiness or even security. 

Soon, I will be taking a voyage with just a backpack to Nepal.  That is all I will have for ten days.  I have been thinking very hard about what I will fill that bag with.  What is completely necessary? 

Is underwear completely needed?  If so, how many pairs?  Do I leave room to collect things along the way on my trip?  How many Apple chargers do I need to bring?  Do I pack shorts or pants?

I find the people here fascinating because of their need for less stuff.  They don't even need more space.  500 sq ft is considered a nice-sized apartment.  This takes me back to my days of living in California where my first apartment was the same size. However, the population of San Francisco is far less.   

After looking at all these questions that flooded my mind, I came to the realization that I need none of these things.  Yes, I do need clothes but not a different outfit for every day of the week.  There will be places to do laundry.  Also, as I have learned during my stays in Goa, clothes wash in the sink too.  Do I need to pack underwear at all?  No.  

When you strip away all these things that we think we 'need', you come to know that you don't really need any of these things at all.  In this day and age, there are stores where you can get what you forgot or need on the road or the train.  Some items are available on the train itself or in an airport.   

Ok, a toothbrush and toothpaste are two items that I know for sure I will be tagging along with me.  I can't stand fuzzy teeth.  It must be known that I find it pointless to wear deodorant in India.  I am a sweat-er and it doesn't matter how much deodorant you wear something always smells worse and more overpowering than you do.  Poor Doug.  

Day 156: A Blessing or A Curse?

When looking at all of the amazing artifacts dating hundreds of years old, I have been thinking about what will I leave behind once this life is over.  Do we leave behind things that people flock to or do we leave behind things that people run away from?  Do we leave behind a blessing or a curse?

Statues of Gods and Goddesses, relics and stories handed down by mouth alone are all things that I am learning about in the cultural richness of this great country of India.  History is something that the people here are surrounded by constantly.  I am often asked why my fascination leads me to take numerous pictures of such ordinary things that the Indian people treat as common as a park bench.  Perhaps, this is what we do with things in our own lives.

When was the last time you looked at your mother and/or father and looked at them as people who wanted to leave a legacy alive inside of you?  Have you ever looked at the things that you have collected and wondered, or even appreciated, why you collected them in the first place?  Can you hear, smell or touch the exact moment when you found the item?  What was the memory that you attached to it?

We leave behind words, waste or emotions all the time and never think about it?  In other words, we are not present to our own presence.  When we leave these things behind with intention -both, positive and, unfortunately, negative, we are then an effective human being.  Are we someone that people are happy that you are coming?  Or, are we someone that people are excited to see you go?  

Negative things can be a blessing and positive things can be a curse.  Which one do you choose? 

Day 154: Moving Idle

There comes a time when you look around you and everything is a blur.  When this happens your presence is usually absent and the joy is lost.  I am currently trying to refocus my art career.  

For the last couple of months, I have been running around on the pages of the internet researching engagement techniques for my Facebook pages and looking at other artists' websites.  You know - the whole business side of owning your own business.  At one point today, I rolled away from my desk in my chair that I am in about 7 hours a day and got a wide angle view of my life.   

I have been checking off certain boxes and, at times, feeling shame for not checking off others.  I have finally learned there are 24 hours in a day.  However, now, I try to cram as much into these hours as possible.  I guess, the phrase 'Excuse the motion blur' could be a mantra.  While checking off all the boxes and feeling that instant gratification we are all trained to strive for, I forgot that I was doing all this to uncover the joy that I had been missing.  After all, I am transitioning to make a career out of what I love.  

In realizing this, I had to step back and remind myself of my intentions.  If I can't be joyful while doing this, I have to ask myself "Is this something that I truly enjoy?" Or "What about this do I not find enjoyable?"  This is the beauty of redesigning your life.  I commit.   

I have faith in this process called life.  In these moments where my heart is working hard and my breath is heavy, I have to remember the only race I'm in is with myself.  So, it's time to start being present and enjoying this ride.  Otherwise, life is just one beautiful pan shot. 

Day 153: Expectation

The past month and a half has been all about detachment and letting go of expectation. Surprisingly, since practicing this I have been less surprised with some outcomes and completely surprised by others. People, by nature, are completely predictable for the most part. Like a web stalker that knows that he has done wrong frequently checking my website. Specifically him and spectators are constantly are looking at Day 5: A Lesson. People who sit back and do nothing enable this person to keep doing what they are doing and they are banking that you won’t do something. He will lie, cheat and tell even more tales like the one of his childhood to get out of anything or come out ahead. So, what do I expect?

I expect absolutely nothing. I used to expect that being a good person would grant me access to amazing things. Unfortunately, that’s not the way life works. It sounds depressing on its face but it is liberating to know that you don’t expect anything. There are more surprises and rewards when you don’t expect them to come by doing some action. While I’m touching on the subject of Karma Yoga, I’m not saying that this loss of expectation and attachment are directly related.

With the situation mentioned above, I don’t expect that justice will ever come because liars and cheats win in today’s world. He will continue to collect donations for a bogus organization that hasn’t held camp in three years. Unfortunately, he is entering the sloppy stage of his criminal activity. The most sad part about this is that some spoiled brat as the son of a reality television star will indirectly ruin the reputation of people actually helping thousands of children and families.

Not all practices of losing expectation are bad. Losing expectation in relationships is also beneficial. Knowing that you are being the best friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, coworker, parent, husband and wife day after day, assures you peace of mind at the end of the day. Having no expectation will actually bring you closer to all of those relationships. If you expect nothing, you don’t get hurt and you are not angry with that person. You expect your husband to take out the trash and he doesn’t do it. You get mad and your entire night is ruined. The trash simply needs to go outside. Even if your husband said that they would take it out, don’t expect them to. This will save you a lot of emotions in the end.

At the end of the day, the person that did wrong has to sleep with that. Their tortured, paranoid life is nothing that you should ever desire. Get the satisfaction that the person continually checks your website to make sure that you are not talking about them. If you are getting hurt by someone’s actions or inaction ask yourself why. You will find that 9 times out of 10, it is your ego that is bruised or you want to be right. In either case, take out the trash (literally and figuratively) because you can.

Day 152: Ready, Set, Create

Since graduating The Academy of Art University in 2011, I had all but given up on a career that I had dreamed of since my younger days of creating art and getting paid for it.  I had excelled in all art forms - music, theatre and visual art.  Even after graduating with distinction from The Academy of Art University from the Fine Arts department, I hadn’t landed gallery representation or been noticed by that one person that would make me famous.  

At this time, rent in San Francisco, CA was starting to skyrocket.  I was working three jobs to pay for my room/residence and my studio at Art Explosion Studios.  I was a barista in the financial district, a bartender/server in the mission and an artist.  The ladder was becoming less affordable regardless of my resourcefulness.  I did the routine for a year.  I was exhausted, broke and, honestly, hungry.  

With that said, my artist career was going to look different moving back to the Midwest.  In St Joseph, MO there was no resembalance of what I knew of as an art community.  In San Francisco, art was like yoga.  You had drawing workshops, gallery openings and even classes on marketing yourself as an artist any given time or day.  I packed up my belongs, loaded all my unsold artwork in trailer and I made the best of it that I could.  I began Marketing for a family business and emerged myself in the community I loved and missed so much.  I started to forget - “I am an artist.”

I created less.  I went into depression.  I started taking antidepressants and seeing a counselor.  I look in retrospect and maybe I could have been an artist in that environment.  The more I am honest with myself, it becomes obvious that because where I was didn’t meet my expectations, I gave up.  Environment is essential as an artist.  I should have left.  And, that’s exactly what I did.   

Now, fast forward to the present, I am living in one of the largest cities in the world, Mumbai, India.  There is literally creativity everywhere.  There is art in every way of life here.  I have started creating again.  I have started living again!  I have an iPhone11+, an Instagram account, Facebook Pages, a Twitter, a Redbubble Store, a Pinterest wall, a LinkedIn account, a yoga teachers certificate, a Squarespace website and a blog.  I am ready now, right?  

While, at the time, I tried to blame people, money and time, I had no one to blame but myself for my lack of inspiration and creation.  In that truth, there is freedom.  In that statement, there is creation and possibility.  In my journey, I’m learning all the time that my expectation caused me to make choices that actually took my dreams away from myself.  I was and am the holder of that key.  So, ready, set, create. 

Day 150: To be famous?

While many of us think of a job as a means to an end, many others are looking at a job as the thing we were born to do.  I remember being in high school and taking a career assessment test.  My assessment came back saying that my career path would be best suited for engineering.  While, at times, I can be innovative and a very stealthy problem solver, I wanted to be famous.  

I wanted to be famous.  I had no idea what fame was other than everyone would know my name and life would be easy.  I had dreams of being on Broadway because my community theatre and high school experience granted me such dream.  I wanted to be a famous singer.  Although, now, I am not sure what type of fame that would have entailed.  Then, in college, I wanted to be a famous artist.  I knew what that looked like.  I would be called to be in all of these galleries and I could just create art all day long in my studio.  

Now, in reality, I spent so much time wanting to be famous that I didn't take the time to just create because everything I did was going to create this fame.  My art was good and my ego was way too strong.  Wanting fame not only made me feel like I was missing out on something, it made me miss out on the whole part of becoming famous.  I would even say that because I didn't achieve this fame, I was worth nothing.  

Go back to the times before social media where you didn't have endless platforms to put yourself out on.  This is before YouTube, Instagram and Facebook.  Are we able to remember such a time?  This was before the smart phone.  Many people know about Steve Jobs, but many more people know about the iPhone.  It would be safe to say that the iPhone won the fame game.  was Steve Jobs ever jealous of his creation's fame?

As I started creating my InstaStory today, I thought about how this need for fame has diminished.  The need has been replaced with pure creation.  I am not creating for someone to notice me.  I'm not singing so someone will book me for a show.  I'm not taking endless photographs for a gallery to pick me up and sell my art.  I do all these things because I have.  I have to because it's who I am.  I am a creator.  I find inspiration in things people don't ordinarily pay attention to.  Creativity is like air to me.  Without creativity, I have serious issues.  

When I dissect this idea of fame, I have to say I am famous in my own way.  I am brave.  I have performed in some amazing spaces including Carnegie Hall.  I have shown my artwork on the campus of Google itself in Mountain View, CA.  I have served my community with my talents.  I guess you could say - Fame comes from within.  I create because that's who I am.  

Trying to be famous is like going to the casino and saying I'm going to win $1,000,000.  It rarely happens, but, every now and then, you win $60 on a slot machine called Kitty Glitter.  

Day 149: You Are Not My Problem

I had a really good talk with Rahul’s wife yesterday about how I let things affect me. I usually see all the things that people are doing negatively and then take on that negativity. I either call the person out or sit in silence fuming. Now that this behavior is noticed and noted, I have got to make some changes in how I take these problems or people on.

When I say this, I mean it with absolutely no ego: I’m not like everyone else. I do what I’m told to the letter and expect everyone else to do the same. Most people I know try to cut corners or place their cell phone really close to them so that people can’t see that they are texting instead of paying attention. When I tell them, even in a leadership position, I get looked at as the bad guy.

My classmates have no idea how much they cheat their other classmates, including myself, out of great discussion and learning by not taking assignments seriously. I won’t even get into the tardiness issue. It has been brought up so many times that it is pointless to even be bothered about it anymore. The best I can do is show up on time and be ready whenever they feel like showing up.

Maybe the things that bothers me is that regardless of being the person who does right or the person who does wrong, the outcomes are the same. Crooks get articles in Forbes magazine. Classmates get the same certificate as I do. How is all of this fair? It’s not but life is not fair.

Maybe, that’s the point. Life is not fair but I am being fair to myself. I’m making sure that I’m doing the very best that I can everyday and what everyone else is doing is none of my business. Perhaps, this journey is not about making it to the finish line with everyone but making it to the finish line and taking the ribbon for myself. I have been conflicted because as I learn my power I walk the thin line of confidence and ego.

Day 148: Inner Peace

My partner got news the other night that his mother was readmitted into the hospital the other night. He immediately got on a plane after receiving a call from his sister saying that their mom was not breathing on her own. He left our apartment shaking and what I would believe to be the first stages of shock. It has been a stressful couple of days.

the Mumbai rains have not let up for three days now and Friday night it took me two hours to get home. This trip usually takes around 25 minutes. The L&T tunnel that is on my way home was completely flooded as you will see in the photo below. Although it was inconvenient, it didn’t sway my mood.

I remained positive as water was coming into the rickshaw from a swollen creek. I remained grateful that Marzad knew the best routes. We shared a bottle of water. I was worried about his safety just as much as he was mine. To many, Marzad may just be another rickshaw driver but to me he is hero.

My inner peace has not been disturbed partly because of my training and partly because I refuse to let anything rattle me. I am definitely worried about Doug’s mother and his family as they go through this tough time. However, it feels like I have a peace of mind inside me so that I can be stronger for them. It’s not Ivone’s time to go so I am praying that God let her stay with us as long as she can.

I haven’t been the praying type until I started my yoga course and now I can’t imagine not praying. I pray for the good things, the things that I’m just grateful for and for strength to keep this work up. It takes inner peace to listen for the subtle things. It takes inner peace to take notice of the gifts that are all around me.

Day 147: What Happens When Ethics Are Thrown Out?

The Mueller hearings in the United States has been a hot topic in the mainstream media in recent days. I am always amazed that I can be anywhere in the world and still be briefed on what is going on in the United States. What currently strikes me as most troublesome is the fact that ethics are being thrown out the window. Ethics are the basis of all humanity. It is the nonchargeable distinction of right and wrong or a loophole in our justice system.

Americans have been witnessing this very confusing circus for over two years now. First, came denial that a man that had no idea about politics is going to be our president. Then, came the divide that people either love him or hate him. This is still the stage we are in. However, now it is becoming a sort of obliviousness from one side that just believes anything that he says. Does a white man that is reality tv has-been and has real estate all over the world really have a seat in one of the most powerful positions in the world?

The most disturbing thing I came away with was that one side was worried about the possible criminality of the President and the other was only concerned about discrediting a man that just followed clues. It actually makes me ill that these people would thank him for his service and then call him reckless, incompetent and negligent. As a common man, I am shocked that all people don’t see the criminality that is sitting in the very house that we, as Americans, own. There was a news clip online that showed a Republican telling Democrats to ‘Shut Up and Move On.’

Is it sad that we have truth on paper in black and white and there are people saying (…and believing) that there is nothing to see here. Denial and ignorance have completely had a lovechild. It is sad that our Congress is not doing anything about these things regardless of what side you sit on. I don’t know that I trust a single politician completely. I get fooled by the ones that are ‘For The People’ and I get screwed over by the ones that promise to ‘Fix It’. Now, I am sitting with a document that is written by an institution that we are supposed to hold as the of the pinnacle of truth and are being told that the very things on this piece of paper are not as they seem.

It is a very uneasy time in America right now. I am glad that I have gotten to see this ‘outer’ perspective because I can’t really say that I sit with either side and that corruption doesn’t exist anywhere else in the world. This is where ethics is being thrown out. The people that are supposed to be public servants are forgetting about the public that they are supposed serve. Instead, they are worrying about colors of people’s skin and trying to argue over language in a book written centuries ago. They all have forgotten about us.

Day 146: Memory

Making memories has been a marketing slogan since the beginning of advertising. Memories often be a trap for a person that goes through any sort of trauma or abuse. Just like good memories, the bad memories cause reactions. We can recall some memories and can’t recall others. As they say, “The mind works in mysterious way.” If we have memories we don’t want to remember, can we erase them completely from our mind?

In Hatha Yoga, the term Smitri is translated to English as memory. This is one of the Vrittis, or the fluctuations of the mind. Yoga, as defined by Patanjali’s Yoga Sutra’s it written: Yogas chitta vritti nirhoda. This simply says that Yoga is the stopping of the fluctuations of the mind. The only time you can completely stop the thoughts of the mind is when you are no longer living. Our minds will constantly be working but we can train ourselves on how to react to those memories or fluctuations.

Let’s start with the bad. You are having the worst morning in your entire life. Then, you get a speeding ticket on your way to drop your 2nd grader off to school and the child has unbuckled the seat belt. The officer comes to your window and sees your child without their seat beat on before you realize it. Did you remember to put the child in a safety restraint? You can’t remember. You get a ticket for speeding and for your child not being in a seat belt.

Why couldn’t you remember? Perhaps, you make sure that the child is always strapped in so it has become an activity which you have just been mechanically doing. Had the presence been there while insuring your child’s safety, you would have remembered but there were too many things on your mind this particular morning. Now, if you are feeling like you are being shamed, don’t. The fact that the action of using safety restraints has become a mechanical process is a great thing because, as a child safety seat technician, I see too many cases where the child and the parent have no idea how they even work.

Our memory can work for us or against us. When you bring a present mind your mind records and doesn’t react to it. It gets stored deep in brain. When we walk in to the kitchen and forget why we walked in there in the first place, perhaps that was a mechanical response to some impulse. The reason you forget because the reaction is what triggered the action. You are not in control of what thoughts come in the mind, but, as mentioned in the last post, you are always in charge of your actions.